


Always ment to be

by Cillabrown



Category: Berena - Fandom
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-11-15 19:43:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 32,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18079733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cillabrown/pseuds/Cillabrown
Summary: bernie and serena having a family and how they first met. they hated each other at first but hate soon turns to love





	1. Always ment to be

Serena just couldn't get comfy she had been tossing and turning and running to the toilet since she got in bed 4 hours ago.Everywhere she laid the baby seemed to pushing on her bladder or giving her a good kick.

“It's a good job we have got the bed to ourselves tonight little one" Serena said gently rubbing her bump.

Bernie was on a week of night shifts and as much as she missed Bernie it was heaven having the bed to herself. Serena and her ever growing bump needed all the room they could. After another trip to the loo Serena decided that sleep was definitely not on cards tonight so she put the lamp on and decided to ring Bernie. After trying Bernie's mobile 3 times and getting no answer Serena decided to call the hospital instead.

“Hello Holby city aau Lou speaking"  
“hi Lou it's Serena Is Bernie is around I need her".  
“OMG your not in labour are you" Lou said excitedly  
“No no I just want to talk to her please”  
“Ok I will get her"

“Hi babes are you alright is the baby ok" Bernie said when she got to the phone  
“Apart from having a football match in there and then having a rest on my bladder at half time yes it's fine” Serena laughed  
“Put the phone on loud speaker and place it on belly Serena"

Serena did as Bernie told her and tried to lay back down in bed and found a comfy spot. 

“Now listen here mister or miss it's 3 in the morning and your mummy is very tired and wants to go to sleep cause if she does not get enough she will be very grumpy. Mummy has to have at least 7 hours sleep a night or she a nightmare to live with".  
“Hey I am never grumpy unless I have run out of Shiraz “ laughs Serena  
“Joking aside though Bernie I just want it over and done with now I am fed up of being fat and feeling ugly.  
. I am worried I won't be a very good mother Bernie. What if the baby doesn't like me or I don't like the baby I'm scared Bernie".

“You are going to be a absolutely fantastic Mum and we are both going to love him or her so much. Fat And ugly you are not any of them. You are sexy and bloody gorgeous and you know it”.  
“You really think so Bernie It doesn't feel like it at the moment” Serena said crying  
“Where is that feisty Serena Campbell who can make a f1 cry just by glaring at them Or who has so much confidence that she will flirt with anyone and anything”  
Just then the red phone rang alerting them to a Trauma coming  
“Serena sweetheart I am going to have to go there's a trauma on its way. Try and get some sleep and I will see you in a few hours. I love you so much Serena”.  
“ Ok I will try see u soon. I love you too more than you will ever know"

Serena tried to get as comfy as she could while again rubbing her tummy. Her mind drifting off to the time she first met at college and how she found Bernie truly annoying .

September 1985

“Yes mum I will be fine here stop fussing I am 19 I am a big girl now I can look after myself. Now get yourselves off you have got a long drive ahead" Serena said  
Adrienne wasn't convinced “ Serena this place is a dump I am not leaving you here” she said looking around the place disgusted.  
“Come on love she will be fine and she clearly doesn't need us here cramping her style" George said winking at Serena  
“Thank you” Serena mouthed to her dad

Serena gave both her parents a hug and told them that she loved them. When they went she flopped herself on bed and breathed a big sigh of relief that they had finally gone. Just as Serena started nodding off to sleep there was a big thud as she open her eyes she saw a tall blond hair girl about the same age as her. Her hair was messy and it didn't look like it had ever had a comb through it. 

“Hello you must be my roomie my name's Bernie what's yours".  
“Ser...Serena” she stuttered. As Serena got off the bed to shake hands with Bernie she noticed how pretty she was. Serena has always being attracted to other women but she had never had the courage to act on it. 

“So is there any good pubs around here i could do with a stiff drink”Bernie said.  
“I don’t know i have only just got here myself there is a student bar downstairs the booze is supposed to be cheap in there”  
“Great get your shoes on and let’s go get pissed”Bernie said.  
“I can’t i have got to unpack and clean this this place up its not exactly springtime fresh is it” serena said  
“Oh come on there is plenty of time to do that tomorrow lets go and have some fun before the hard work really starts”  
“Come on then but i am not getting drunk”

As they walked down to the bar Bernie was chatting away but serena was not really listening to her she was worrying about all the things she had to do before the term started properly in 3 days time. When they reaches to bar the first thing Serena noticed was how smokey it was as she started to cough.

“Right what you having to drink Shelley” said Bernie  
“My names Serena where you got bloody Shelley from”.  
“Ok calm down what do you want to drink Serena”  
“Shiraz please just a small glass”  
“Flipping Shiraz my god that's a old ladies drink come on lets do some shots.  
“Oh no i am not doing shots as you say the last time i did shots in was in bed for 2 days and i have got far too much to do”  
“Ok ok Shiraz it it”

As Bernie got the drinks Serena decided to look for a table the place was pretty full 2 lads were just getting from a table.  
“Are you two just leaving” Serena said  
“Yeah you can have the table darling” the taller one of them said.  
“Thank you very much”  
“No problem the names Edward and the short arse here is called Marcus”  
“Hi i'm Serena and this here is”  
“Bernie and we are not interested so get lost” said Bernie  
“Ok calm down keep your knickers on we were just leaving see you around Serena” Edward said and he winked at her  
“Bye and thanks for the table”

“What did you do that for they were only been polite they gave us there table.  
“I can’t be doing with creepy men like that they have only got one thing on there mind” Bernie said.  
“What is your problem Bernie they was not being creepy they was just leaving they gave us there table that’s all”

They drank there drinks in near complete silence. Serena kept looking round the bar wishing she just could just go back to there room.  
“If you have got somewhere else you would rather be don’t let me keep you if you run you can still catch up with them creeps.”

Serena drank the last of her drink and stood up  
“Look i don’t know what your problem is i won’t be catching them up and i think apart from sleeping in the same room we should stay away from each other i have never met anyone as infuriating or as rude as you in entire life bye beryl”  
“The names Bernie” she shouted as Serena began walking off.  
“Whatever not nice is it” Serena shouted as she turned back round and went outside for some fresh air. My god Serena thought to herself if i never see that women again it will be too soon but she is gorgeous .


	2. welcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> welcome baby wolfe

When Bernie pulled up outside the house she shared with Serena she opened the door and went straight upstairs. Bernie went into to nursery first and took a look around she had noticed that Serena had bought even more new things she must have snook them in. laughed Bernie.  
Bernie went into their bedroom and stood by the looking at a sleeping Serena she could not believe how lucky she was. Bernie crawled into bed trying not wake Serena.

“Mmm morning love good shift” Serena said wrapping her arms around Bernie’s waist getting as close as her bump would let her.  
“Not too bad how are you now” she said kissing the top of Serena’s head.  
Oh i think i need the loo won’t be a tick.”

As Serena went into the bathroom she felt a sharp pain across her stomach she had to hold onto the sink to hold herself up. Then she felt a gush of water running down her legs.

“Oh no you can’t come out yet i have still got 5 weeks to go your not cooked yet” Serena cried.  
“Bernie come quick i need you NOW.”

Bernie came running in to the bathroom like Usain Bolt.  
“What’s wrong omg Serena what’s happened.”  
“Oh Bernie my waters have broke this can’t be happening it’s not time”  
“Ok calm down are you sure it just wasn’t one big piss Serena”  
“For christ sake Bernie i’m not thick i know the difference between a piss and my waters breaking.”  
“Ok ok look let’s get you on the bed and i will have a look at you” Bernie said.  
“I don’t think i could move if i tried argh jeez”Serena screamed.  
Bernie ran into the bedroom and got her mobile phone and rang 999.  
“Hello i need a ambulance please my girlfriend is in labour and her waters have just broken.”  
“Right help is on its way would you like to stay on the line till help arrives” the operator said.  
“No no it’s fine we are both doctors i think we will manage thanks anyway.”  
“What the hell did you do that for we need all the help we can get you idiot” Serena cried.  
“We are both doctors Serena how hard can it be.”  
“Very hard on this side of the fence i can’t believe i let you talk me into having a baby i hate you Berenice Griselda Wolfe.”  
“I will ignore that as your in pain and as i seem to recall it was your idea to have a baby not mine” Bernie shouted.  
What are you saying that you don’t want this baby Bernie” Serena cried.  
“Of course i do i love you both of you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

30 minutes later the ambulance arrive and Serena pain was getting worse.

“Oh am i glad to see you please help me” Serena said  
“Ok Serena let’s have a look right you are fully dilated on your next contraction i want you to give me a really big push alright”

After what felt like hours Serena gave one last big push and out came the baby’s head.  
“The heads out Serena well done a few more big pushes and baby will be out.”  
“I can’t do this Bernie i’m so tired.”  
“Yes you can Serena i am so proud of you your the strongest person i know you can do anything. Just keep squeezing my hand you can do this.”  
“Arrrrrrrrrgh.”  
“That's it come on Serena on more big push and baby will here.  
2 more pushes and baby was out Serena and Bernie were both crying with happiness.  
“Well done Serena you have got a beautiful baby boy.” said the ambulance woman.  
“Is he ok” Serena cried.  
“He is perfect there you go say hello to your baby”

As the baby was placed on Serena’s chest Serena felt the biggest rush of love she hadn't felt for a long time

“Oh Bernie he is so beautiful i can’t believe he is ours hello beautiful I'm your mummy.”  
“He sure is just like his mummy i love you so much Serena Wendy Campbell.” Bernie said kissing Serena lovingly.  
“ i love you too so much.”  
“Right Serena let’s get you and this little man to the hospital shall we” the ambulance woman said.  
“Why i thought you said he was ok” Serena said.  
“He is fine but with him being a bit early i think it’s best to get him and checked over to be on the safe side that’s all”.  
“Ok but i want to hold him all the way there.” Serena cried

In the ambulance on the way to hospital Bernie look at the sight before her the women she loved more than anything and their newborn son she had never seen such a more beautiful sight. Bernie’s mind began wonder back to when they first met.


	3. No going back now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The term had well and truly started and both Bernie and Serena were both bogged down with coursework. They still wasn’t talking to each other apart from passing the time of day and the odd argument about the mess Bernie had made the room

The term had well and truly started and both Bernie and Serena were both bogged down with coursework. They still wasn’t talking to each other apart from passing the time of day and the odd argument about the mess Bernie had made the room. Serena said she had never seen anyone as messy and untidy in her life and kept going on at her to tidy her bit of the room up.

“For god sake women give it a rest all you do i moan i pity the man who takes you on i hope he is deaf”  
“There is nothing wrong with Edwards hearing actually and i would have to keep going on if you wasn’t such a messy cow.”  
“Edward you are fucking seeing Edward that creepy git you do know he is shagging his way around this uni don’t you.”  
“What is your problem and what has it got to do with you anyway who i am seeing your not my mother you are not even my friend” Serena shouted  
Serena stormed out and slammed the door behinds her.

A few hours later Serena returned and Bernie was laid on the bed watching tv the room was spotless. Serena went into the bathroom and got undressed when she came back through Bernie stood up and put the kettle on.  
“Do you want a tea or a coffee” Bernie said.  
“Tea would be great please.”  
As they sat chatting Serena realized it was the first proper conversation they had without arguing maybe she had bernie all wrong.

“Look Serena i am sorry about what i said earlier i had no right to say what i did i just don’t what you to get hurt.”  
“Its ok you were right about Edward by the way i went to his room and he was with another women doing the horizontal rumba.”  
“I’m sorry here’s your tea.”  
“Thanks i didn’t really like him anyway he isn’t really my type if i’m honest.” Serena said as she looked into Bernie’s eyes.  
“And what is your type Serena Wendy Mckinnie”.  
“You know my full name i’m shocked you called me Shelley for the first 3 weeks.”  
“Yes i’m sorry about that I was a jerk i want us be friends Serena.”  
“Me too let’s start again shall we Serena Wendy McKinnie ” nice to meet you.”  
“Berenice Griselda Wolfe the pleasure is all mine.”  
“Griselda what the hell is that all about.” Serena said nearly spitting her tea out.  
“Oh don’t i hate it let’s just stick to Bernie shall we.”  
“Fine by me it suits you better.” Serena said smiling.

That night as as they laid in there beds Bernie said “you never did answer my question earlier.”  
“What question was that.”  
“When i asked you what is your type.”  
“Ah that well i’m not really sure” Serena said sitting up.  
“What do you mean that you like all different types of men.”  
“No not really you see i have always found that i am attracted to a certain type of person preferably women but i have never had the courage to act on it.” Serena said as she could feel herself blushing.  
“Oh right if you need a hand in that department i could help you out you see cause i have acted on it.” Bernie said getting out of her bed to sit on Serena’s bed.  
“You have slept with a woman.”  
“Well women more than one.”  
“Whats its like i have always wondered and dreamed about what it would be like but i am so scared in case i do something wrong.”  
Bernie put her hands on the side of Serena’s face and took a good long look at her by god this woman was beautiful.

“Do you want me to show you how beautiful sex with a woman can be.”  
“Ppppplease” Serena said feeling more nervous than she had ever done on her life.”

Bernie moved forward and gently put her lips to Serena’s it was slow at first but then Bernie ran her tongue over Serena’s bottom lip asking for access Serena obliged and then the kiss became more passionate. A moan escaped from Serena with seem to spur Bernie on. Serena felt Bernie’s hand slip under her pj top and slowly ran her thumb over Serena’s nipple.  
“Oh Bernie” Serena said as they came up for air.  
“Please Bernie i need you .”

Bernie pulled Serena top over her head and chucked it across the room then off came her bra.

“Oh Serena you gorgeous and so damn sexy.” Bernie said.  
Serena could feel her heart pounding she had dreamed of doing this to a woman for ages and now it was finally happening. Bernie began kissing all the way down Serena's body till she got to her on bottoms. Bernie looked up at Serena as if to be asking permission. Serena nodded her head and Bernie gently took the bottoms taking her pants down at the same time. Bernie stopped for a minute and just looked at Serena.  
Serena noticed Bernie looking at her and Serena could feel herself Panic.

“Bernie what's wrong you think I'm fat and ugly don't you” Serena said starting to cry.  
“Hey don't cry that is the last thing I was thinking quite the opposite actually you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen Serena.”  
Serena breathed a sigh of relief and pulled Bernie back down to kiss her passionately both women moaning. Serena decided she couldn't wait any longer she needed Bernie to touch her now so she grabbed Bernie's hand placed it between her legs. Serena moaned at the touch then Bernie entered Serena with 2 fingers and and then a 3rd.  
“Oh my God Bernie that feels so good faster please and please  
don't stop.” Serena said trying to catch her breath.  
Bernie did as she was told and she could tell Serena was on the edge. Then Serena threw her head back and began grabbing fistfuls of sheets. No man had ever made her feel this good. Serena came shouting out Bernie's name. Bernie Laid down at the side of Serena and kissed her slowly. As they laid there side by side in near complete silence apart from a few ragged breaths Serena could feel herself drifting off to sleep this is the most content she had felt for a long time. Bernie noticed that Serena had drifted off so she kissed her on the head gently and got back into her bed wondering what would happen in the morning.


	4. Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Bernie and Serena arrived at the hospital and got settled in a room Fleur a midwife and also Serena and Bernie's friend and work colleague came into see them.  
> “Hello little man aren't you beautiful what's Your name eh"

When Bernie and Serena arrived at the hospital and got settled in a room Fleur a midwife and also Serena and Bernie's friend and work colleague came into see them.  
“Hello little man aren't you beautiful what's Your name eh"  
“We er we haven't really thought of one yet it has caused quite a few arguments. Bernie said  
“Serena can I take him so we can check him over please" Fleur asked holding out her arms for the little man.  
“You are going to give him back to me aren't you Fleur" Serena almost begging. Fleur look at Bernie who just shrugged her shoulders.  
“Of course I am you just lie back and relax I will be back with him as quick as I can ok"  
As soon as the baby was taken out of Serena's arms she instantly felt lost and began to cry. Bernie immediately wrapped her arms around Serena.  
“Hey it's ok everything is ok we have a beautiful little boy and no one is going to take him away from us Serena. We had better think of a name you choose it Serena you did all the hard work" Bernie said hugging Serena tighter.  
“I'm sorry for crying Bernie it must be my hormones I will have a think” Serena gave Bernie a chaste kiss on lips.

30 minutes later after a doctor had seen Serena and had given her the all clear Serena and Bernie were Hugging on the bed together. Fleur arrived back with the baby handing the him over to Serena. Serena took him and placed him gently Into Bernie's arms stroking and kissing him on top of his head.  
“Hello Cameron George Wolfe let me introduce you this beautiful woman holding you is your mum and I am your mummy " Serena said with tears in her eyes she was so happy she finally had the family she had always wanted.  
Serena could see the tears rolling down Bernie's cheeks so she put her arms around Bernie and rested her head on her shoulder.  
“I wanted you to name him Serena I came up with that name”  
“I know that and it's the only one you kept mentioning so you must like it so that is what we are calling him" smiled Serena.  
“Hello Cameron me and your mummy love you so much we are going to take good care of you oh and by the way just so you know your not aloud a girlfriend till your at least 30” “or boyfriend Serena said laughing.They laid there just looking at their new baby and not quite believing he was really there's.

 

Two weeks later Serena and Bernie were settling down and getting used to life with baby Cameron. Serena was upstairs bathing Cameron and Bernie was making the tea in the kitchen. When Serena came downstairs she took one look at the kitchen and the state it was in and just laughed.

“Nothing changes does it you still can’t cook without making a complete mess here grab this one and i’ll take over.”  
“I’m sorry i just wanted to cook us a nice meal i have ruined it as usual” Bernie said taking the baby looking sad.  
“Well admittedly you wouldn’t get very far on Masterchef but i still love ya and you little man come here” Serena said giving Bernie a kiss and placing a gentle kiss on Cameron's cheek.

 

Bernie sat down and began watching Serena as she began to clean up the mess she had made. When dinner was ready Serena took Cameron off Bernie and placed him in his mosses basket. They chatted while they ate dinner Serena asking Bernie how her first day back at work had been since been on maternity leave Serena was missing been at work and missing her work colleagues but she just loved been at home with baby Cameron. When they finished Serena stood up to take Bernie’s plate when Bernie grabbed Serena by the waist and pulled her on her knee kissing her lovingly.

“Serena do you ever think about the old days when we first met.”  
“Of course i do” Serena said as put her arms around Bernie’s neck “ as i seem to recall we didn’t get on very well at all due to fact that you was a complete idiot who loved herself.”  
“Oh please you fancied me the minute you first saw me it was written all over your face.” Bernie said smirking.  
“As if you was a complete nightmare and you were so untidy are room made Steptoes place look like a bleeding palace”. Serena laughed.  
“Ok ok but it didn’t take you long before you gave into me did it remember”.  
“Oh yeah cause you was so irresistible weren’t you Wolfe.”  
“I was to you yeah still am i reckon” Bernie said kissing Serena more passionately and putting her hand were Serena needed it most.  
“Oh Bernie that feels so good” Serena moaned “it feels likes forever since we last made love.”

Just as Bernie lifted Serena upon the table Cameron started to cry.  
“Jeeze he really picks his moment doesn’t he.” Bernie groaned.  
“You know what they say Bernie sex stops altogether when you have a baby” Serena said pick up him up and shushing him. “I think he needs feeding i will take him up and see if i can get him settled i try not to be too long.” Serena kissed Bernie and went upstairs.

Bernie washed the pots then went into the lounge she took a old photo album out of the sideboard and began looking through. There was all the photographs of her and Serena from when they was a university. Bernie closed her eyes and her mind drifted back to those days.


	5. Don't ignore me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena woke up and reached across the bed expecting to put her arms around Bernie but all she found was a empty space. Serena sat up and looked across to Bernie’s bed which she also found empty.

1985

Serena woke up and reached across the bed expecting to put her arms around Bernie but all she found was a empty space. Serena sat up and looked across to Bernie’s bed which she also found empty. Where the hell is she Serena thought to herself we had such a great night and Serena had never felt so good as when she with Bernie last night. Serena got up and put the kettle on just as she was pouring her tea Bernie walked in the door looking like she had been dragged through a hedge backwards. Bernie didn’t even look at Serena she just grabbed some clothes out of her draws and went straight into the bathroom.

When Bernie came out of the bathroom she still didn’t look at Serena who was now sitting at the table doing an essay she just went to the kettle and started making herself some breakfast. Serena couldn’t stand the silence any longer she stood up and went over to Bernie and then began waving her hands in front of Bernie’s face.

“Hi” Bernie said shyly.  
“Ah so you can see me then i’m not invisible thank god for that i was getting worried there so are you going to ignore me all day.”  
“Erm... i’m... err...i’m sorry. Bernie stuttered  
“Sorry for what, what exactly are you sorry for Bernie oh yeah wait sec i remember now last night you fucked me senseless and now you regret it and you don’t know how tell me. Well let me do it for you does it go a little something this. Serena i am so sorry about last night it was fun while it lasted but i don’t find you in least bit attractive and i am not really interested in a relationship at the moment how am i doing am i close.” Serena said never raising her voice once.  
Bernie just turned round and carried on making her breakfast which being ignored again really annoyed Serena she grabbed Bernie’s arms turned her around and pushed her up against the wall.

“Don’t keep ignoring me for god sake just talk to me tell me what i have done wrong was i that bad in bed last night.”  
“No no please don’t think that Serena” Bernie said.  
“Hurrah she finally speaks” Serena said waving her hands up in the air letting go of Bernie’s arms for just a minute. “Please Bernie just tell me what i have done so wrong it’s obviously you are pissed off with me.”  
Bernie looked onto Serena’s gorgeous brown eyes and all she wanted to kiss her and have a repeat of last night but Bernie knew she had to stay strong last night was a experiment for Serena nothing else. Just then the sound of the toaster popping up bought Bernie back to her senses.  
“Can you let go of me now please my breakfast if ready.”  
Serena let go she couldn’t deal with this anymore so she went to get ready for her first lecture.

 

Serena couldn’t really concentrate on her lecture all she could think about was Bernie and how good she felt against her last night and how there was no way she could ever go back to sleeping with men now she knew how good it was with a women. Serena was so deep in though she didn’t hear the lecturer shouting her name.  
“Miss Mckinnie are you even listening me me”  
“Yes sir “ Serena said yawning.  
“I’m sorry miss Mckinnie are we keeping you up” doctor Wright shouted.  
“Er no sir i’m sorry sir.  
“Right well concentrate then.

Serena tried to concentrate on the rest of her lecture and when it was over and Serena got up to leave doctor wright shouted her over to him.  
“Serena are you ok i have never seen you so distracted in one my lectures”  
“I’m fine just had one too many last night that’s all i apologise.  
“You have got a great career in medicine ahead of you Serena don’t spoil it by getting wasted every night”  
“I won’t doctor Wright can i go now” Serena said nervously  
Doctor Wright nodded his head and Serena walked off why was she been like this why couldn’t she get Berenice bloody Wolfe out of her head she had to find her and have a proper conversation with her.

Serena found Bernie in the library her head was resting on the table as if she was asleep.

“Wakey Wakey sleepyhead” Serena whispered in Bernie’s ear.  
“Bloody hell can you wear louder shoes please” Bernie said as she jumped up.  
“Sorry look Bernie” Serena began to say as she sat down “ I know you don’t want me anywhere near you at the minute but you can’t keep ignoring me we share the same room for god’s sake”.  
“Yeah i wanted to talk to you about that actually i have asked for a room swap”Bernie said putting her head down.  
“You’ve done what do you really hate me that much Bernie that you can’t bare to stay in the same room as me” Serena could feel tears welling up in her eyes.  
“Serena i can’t do this not right now” Bernie got up from the table and started walking down the corridor.  
“Oh no you don’t get to keep running away from me Bernie Wolfe i need some answers if it’s about last night it takes two to tango and as i recall you didn’t put up much of a fight did last night and what we did mean nothing to you” Serena shouted

Bernie let herself into their room with Serena close behind. When Serena came through the door Bernie grabbed her by the arms and pushed her up against the wall.  
“Of course it meant something to me i can’t stop thinking about last night and how good you felt when i was inside you my god do you know how long i have wanted to that to you i have fancied you from the first moment i saw you and i don’t want to be just a experiment for you Serena.”  
“You not an experiment Bernie and as i seem to remember it was your idea to have sex in the first place”  
“So your saying that you didn’t really want to have sex with me”  
“Bernie will you please just listen to me i wanted last night to happen just as much it you it was amazing your amazing” Serena said stroking Bernie cheek. Bernie looked Serena in the eyes my god Bernie thought i am falling in love with this women with that Bernie put her hands either side of Serena’s face and kissed her so gently Serena hardly felt it at all.  
“Bernie please i have never felt like this before your not a experiment think i am falling in love with you i have been from the first moment i saw if i am being completely honest.”  
Bernie captured Serena’s lips is a kiss so passionate it nearly knocked Serena off her feet. Bernie needed Serena again and she needed her now she led Serena over to bed and laid her down Bernie straddled her and looked deep into Serena’s eyes.  
“Are you sure about this Serena”  
“I have never been so sure about anything in my life as how i feel about you just promise me you won’t ignore me in the morning”  
“I won’t” Bernie said as she continued to work her way down Serena’s body.

Some time later they were laid in each others arms Serena and Bernie both felt so content they couldn’t remember being this happy with anyone else.  
“Are you ok” Bernie said.  
“I’m more the ok your here you are amazing Bernie.”  
“So are you and everything you said earlier Serena i feel the same way believe me” Bernie said kissing Serena on the head.  
“So erm does this mean we are now a couple and you won't be swapping rooms” Serena said stuttering  
“You bet your life we are for as long as you will have me “Bernie said sitting up on one arm looking at Serena.  
“That will be forever then” Serena laughed  
“Suits me just fine”


	6. Overprotective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena is overprotective with Cameron but she has her reasons

“Bernie wake up darling i think it’s bedtime for you” Serena said gently shaking Bernie’s shoulder.  
“What time is it”  
“9.15 sorry i was so long he took quite a while to settle down come on let’s go up ourselves” Serena said holding her hand out which bernie Immediately took.  
“You go get into bed i will check on Cameron to make sure he ok”  
“Serena he will be fine you have only just left him come on we both could do with a early night.  
“Oh yeah” Serena said raising her eyebrows and smirking.  
“I mean to sleep Serena my god you have got a one track mind woman.”  
“Alright no fun you anyway will most likely get the good bit and his lordship will probably start kicking off so sleep it is then.

Bernie woke a few hours later to a empty bed she went into Cameron’s room and found Serena just sat there staring at him.  
“Serena” Bernie whispered putting her hand on Serena’s shoulder “what you doing in here he is fast asleep while he is asleep you are supposed to sleep.”  
“I know but i just like to watch him he looks peaceful i was just wondering what he is going to be like when he is older Bernie.”  
“A right little heartbreaker just like his mummy i shouldn’t wonder come on this is getting to be a regular thing you sitting in here night after night Serena let’s go back to bed and leave this little man in peace  
.” Bernie said reaching out to take Serena’s hand.  
“NO i want to stay in here with him what happens if he stops breathing he needs me in here with him Bernie.” Serena cried.  
“Nothing is going to happen to him he is a healthy little boy nothing is going to happen to him.”  
“You don’t know that loads of baby’s die in there sleep i can’t take that chance Bernie i can’t. Serena said reaching over to Cameron picking him up and cuddling him as close as she could.  
“Serena i know they do but that’s not what is going to us your just being silly now.”  
“DON’T TELL ME I AM BEING SILLY IT’S HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE.” Serena shouted almost waking little Cameron up and shushing him back to sleep.  
“What you talking about what’s happened to you before.”  
“Nothing it doesn’t matter” serena cried.  
“Well it obviously does or you wouldn’t have said anything come on you can tell anything you know that.”  
“ I probably should have told you this before when we were first talking about having a baby but i didn’t know how you would react.”  
“Go on” Bernie said  
“I err...i have already lost a baby when i was married to Edward we had only being married 3 months when i found out i was pregnant. Oh Bernie we was so happy i just couldn’t wait to be a mum and Edward i had never seen him so excited.”  
“Oh Serena” Bernie said wrapping her arms Serena and the Baby. “ so what happened you don’t have to tell if you don’t want to.”  
“No i want to you should know i should never have kept it from you for so long.” sniffed Serena. “The pregnancy was normal i didn’t have any issues apart from shocking morning sickness. I went into labour and everything was fine oh Bernie when they put her in my arms i had heard of mother’s talk about falling in love instantly with their baby’s but i always thought it was a myth till i had her.” Serena cried.  
“Oh Bernie she was go gorgeous and so perfect or so i thought.”  
“So what happened then.”  
They took her away to check everything was ok and and when they came back without her i knew something wasn’t right by the looks on there faces i know that face all doctors use the same face when they deliver bad news.”

They told me she wasn’t breathing very well on her own so they had to put her in a incubator and put a tube down her throat. They took me and Edward down to see her and she looked so helpless laying there i just wanted to help her it’s the worse feeling in the world when your baby is sick and you can’t do anything to help them.” Serena kissed Cameron gently.  
“Did they say why she wasn’t breathing on her own properly.”  
“They said it was her lungs they did a scan later that day and they found out her lungs wasn’t formed enough and that there was nothing they could do for her. They took her out of the incubator and told us she wouldn’t last much longer. I held her in my arms as she took her last breath.”  
“Oh Serena i am so sorry i really wish you had told me all this you being so overprotective with this one it all makes sense now.”  
“I’m sorry i just thought i could get on with but i can’t i know i only had Ellinor for a few hours but i miss her Bernie i miss my daughter my little girl.” Serena said crying almost hysterically now.  
Bernie wrapped her arms around Serena and Cameron even tighter.

“Of course you do it doesn’t matter how long you had her for she was still you daughter. I love you both so much and i promise you Serena i won’t let anything happen to Cameron or to you he is perfectly healthy nothing bad is going to happen to him he isn’t Ellinor sweetheart.”   
“I know” Serena whispered  
“Do you think you should talk to someone a professional Serena.”  
“NO i’m not mad Bernie i just want to keep our son safe and if that means me stopping in here with him night after night then that’s what i will do.”  
“Ok ok well what if we move his cot into our room for a bit we can put it at your side of the bed then you can see him in the comfort of are own bed what do think.”  
“Really it would make me feel better” Serena said smiling through her tears.  
“Of course look i will go downstairs and get his mosses basket he can sleep in there for tonight and tomorrow when i get back from work i will move his cot into our room ok.”  
“Ok thank you”

When Bernie came back upstairs with the basket she heard Serena’s voice as she was talking to Cameron so she waited outside the door and listened to what she was saying.  
“I’m am going to make sure nobody or no one ever hurts you i have to be overprotective cause i can’t risk anything happening to you. I have already lost your half sister and i am not going to lose you i will do everything in my power to keep you safe. I love you so much you and you mum are my world i don’t know what i would if i lost either of you.”  
“And your mine” Bernie said as she came in the door she placed the basket at the Serena’s side of the bed and took the baby from Serena’s arms kissing him on the head and telling him she loved him. Bernie pulled the quilt back and told Serena to get in and get herself comfy.  
As bernie got into bed she pulled Serena to her and kissed her head.  
“Everything is going to be alright sweetheart if you ever need to talk about Ellinor i am always ready to listen you know that don’t you.”  
“I know thank you for tonight it means a lot lets try and get some sleep shall we you have got work in a few hours.”

Bernie fell asleep almost as soon as her head touched the pillow but Serena just laid there watching Cameron happy that he was fine she turned round to look at Bernie as she slept. I don’t know what i would do without you Serena thought to herself. When i first met her i didn’t know what a big impact she would make on my life thought Serena as she finally drifted off to sleep.


	7. New Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Should old acquaintance be forgot,  
> and never brought to mind?  
> Should old acquaintance be forgot,  
> and old lang syne?

Should old acquaintance be forgot,  
and never brought to mind?  
Should old acquaintance be forgot,  
and old lang syne?

 

Bernie and Serena were celebrating new years in the student bar with their friends quite a few beverages had be consumed.Everyone was merry and having a good time. Bernie and Serena were dancing together.

“Happy new year Serena”  
“Happy new year Bernie” they started kissing quite passionately when Serena felt someone tap her on the shoulder. As she turned around she saw a very drunk Edward standing there swaying.  
“So it true is it the rumours i have been hearing about you your now a dyke” Edward said slurring his words.  
“Just go Edward you have had more than enough to drink just leave us alone” Serena said.  
“You haven’t answered my question bitch.”  
That’s when Bernie grabbed him by the scruff of his collar and marched him straight out the door chucking him in the floor.  
“Bernie please leave him alone he is not worth it” Serena cried. But Bernie wasn’t listening she lent over Edward getting close to his face.  
“If you ever speak to her like that i again i will kill you do you understand.”  
“Serena you can’t be seriously be in a relationship with her she is crazy she will only hurt you” Edward said as he struggled to get back up.  
“Yes i am and she would never hurt me she is one of the nicest people i know and we care about each other. Not that it’s got anything to do with you cause you blew any chance you and me had when you started screwing every girl in this place.” Serena shouted.  
Edward got up eventually and walked up to Serena but not before Bernie stepped in front of her.  
“Don’t even think about it pal” Bernie said.  
“I am not your pal bitch come on Serena come back to mine. I don’t believe for one second that you are a lesbian. You was no lesbian when we slept together but then again i don’t remember us getting any sleep at all do you” Edward said smirking.  
“Go to hell Edward but then again hell is too good for you.Take me home Bernie.

As Bernie and Serena started walking up to there block Serena turned round and shouted “oh by the way Edward you wasn’t even that good in bed i faked it You just wasn't up to the job.” Serena and Bernie turned back round laughing.

When Bernie and Serena got back to there room Bernie went straight into bathroom. Serena began to start taking her shoes and clothes and got changed into her pj’s. After about 15 mins Serena started knocking on the bathroom door.  
“Have you fell down the bog or something you have been there ages. Come on Bernie i am doing a tap dance in here i am bursting.”  
Bernie open the door and Serena ran in saying “it’s about time i thought you was making your will.”

When Serena came back out Bernie was already in her own bed. Serena went to sit on Bernie’s bed she reached out to hold Bernie’s hand which Bernie took.  
“Are we sleeping in your bed tonight we having a change” Serena said.  
“Er no i am sleeping in my bed you are sleeping in your yours.” Bernie said sadly.  
“Why i want to sleep with you i want us to go to sleep in each others arms like we have been doing every night for the past 6 weeks.”  
“Serena i am tired i just want to go to sleep we can talk in morning ok.”  
“Ok can i at least have a kiss goodnight please” Serena said shyly.  
Bernie lent up and gave Serena a quick peck on the lips.  
“Night “Bernie said before laying straight back down and facing away from Serena.  
“Night then.” Serena made her way to her own bed she the could feel the tears forming in her eyes she wanted to know what she had done so wrong. No no it’s all Edwards fault not mine she thought to herself as she lie in bed staring at the ceiling. Serena couldn’t help herself she cried herself to sleep that night realized how much in love she is with Bernie Wolfe and she wasn’t going to let Edward or anyone spoil what they have.

When morning came Serena woke up before Bernie and decided she would cook Bernie a nice breakfast. Serena got the bacon and sausage out the fridge and put then under the grill. As the breakfast was cooking Serena went to the side of Bernie's bed and watched her sleep for a minute before deciding to wake her.

“Bernie it's morning breakfast is nearly ready sweetheart” Serena said kissing Bernie on the cheek.  
“ Mmmmm morning gorgeous” Bernie smiled her eyes still half shut she pulled Serena nearly on top of her And giving her a lingering kiss. Serena laid at the side of Bernie with her head resting on Bernie's chest.  
“ Your ok this morning then I thought I had done something wrong last when you decided to sleep in separate beds".  
“No-no it wasn't you I just ashamed at how quickly I lost it with Edward night but when I got into bed I realised they is a reason why I lost it so quickly with him".  
“And why's that” Serena said staring up at Bernie intently.  
“Because I love you Serena Wendy McKinnie that's why and I will never let anyone hurt you".  
“I love you too Berenice Griselda Wolfe I think I always will” Serena said with tears in her eyes.  
“Get in let's make up for last “ Bernie said winking  
Just as Serena was about to kiss Bernie she jumped up and off the bed.  
“Shit shit shit the breakfast will be burning I had forgotten about that bloody hell that's your fault that you are a bad influence Wolfe" Bernie started laughing and got out of bed and went over to Serena And placed her arms around her waist and pulled her to her Resting her head on Serena's shoulder.  
“It's not burnt it looks lovely thank you sweetheart”  
“Come on let's sit down and eat I'm starving bring the bread with Bernie my hands are full".

As the ate breakfast the inevitable conversation about last night came up.  
“So...Er...Edward not that good in bed is he” Bernie said trying to not to laugh.  
“Bernie don't he wasn't that bad it's just that after what seemed liked forever I realised he wasn't ever going to make me er... well you know so I decided to fake it just to get it over and done with” laughed Serena.  
“How many times did you do it with him"  
“How many do you think he wasn't sufficient the first time so I wasn't going to back for seconds was I” Serena had tears in her eyes now so was laughing that much and so was Bernie.  
“Oh Serena you make me Laugh like no one else"

Bernie stood up from her chair and went over to Serena and held out her hand for Serena to take which she did. Bernie pulled her close and kissed her.

 

“I hope you have never faked it with me" Bernie asked.  
“Never needed to” Serena kissed Bernie again and as they were kissing Serena led Bernie to her bed. Bernie then  
turned then round and laid Serena on the bed so gently as if scared she would break. Bernie laid on top of Serena and began kissing down her neck.  
“I am going to make you feel so good there will be no need for faking” Bernie said as she took one of Serena's nipples in her mouth.  
“I told you I don't ever need to with you your amazing” Serena said beginning to become breathless as Bernie put her hand down her PJ's and pushed 2 fingers inside Serena. As Bernie watched Serena start to lose control she thought to herself how gorgeous she is and how much she was in love with her. Bernie realised she wanted to spend the rest of her life with this amazing woman.


	8. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena woke up the next morning it was still dark so she knew it was still pretty early and looked straight into the baby's basket and found it empty

Serena woke up the next morning it was still dark so she knew it was still pretty early and looked straight into the baby's basket and found it empty she sat upright and noticed Bernie wasn’t in bed either. Serena went downstairs and found Bernie sat in the lounge feeding Cameron.

“Why didn’t you wake me that's my job i should be doing that” Serena said.  
“You was fast asleep and he was awake so I thought I may as well just bring him down and get him sorted any it's not just your job it's our job I am his mum too don't forget" Bernie said kissing Serena on the cheek.  
“I know you are his mum too I just mean you have got enough to do with getting ready for work” Serena said reaching out to take Cameron off of Bernie.  
“You go get ready for work I will make you a another drink and some breakfast ok"

Bernie nodded and headed upstairs Serena went into the kitchen and placed Cameron in his pram. Serena put Bernie's breakfast on the table and shouted her to tell her it was ready. Bernie and Serena ate breakfast in near silence.

“So what are you and the little man got planned today"  
“I could do with going to the supermarket the cupboards are looking a bit bare and this one needs some more nappies and milk”.  
“Ok oh my god is that the time i better go why don’t you pop onto the hospital today everyone has been asking about you and they can’t wait to meet this little one” Bernie said at she lent over the pram to kiss Cameron.  
“I might do i’ll see i’ll see you later i love you”  
“I love you too both of you more than you ever know see you later”  
“Have a good day” Serena shouted after her.  
“Right little man let’s get you dressed shall we” Serena said talking Cameron upstairs.

 

“Right zav what we got” Bernie said as she entered the ward.  
“Hi Bernie we have just had a 42 year old man brought in suspected liver failure”  
“Does he drink a lot”  
“Yeap alcoholic shall we” Zav said.  
“Yeah yeah let’s take a look shall we”.

Bernie and Zav went to the bed when all of a sudden Bernie stopped in her tracks.  
“Are you ok Bernie” Zav Said looking worried.  
“Yes it’s just i think i know him is he called Edward  
“Yes that’s right his name is Edward Campbell why what’s the problem”  
“He is Serena’s ex husband”  
“Look do you want me to take over his care”  
“No no it’s fine let’s get this over with shall we”

“Well Well Well look at what the cats dragged in Bernie Wolfe as i live and breath” Edward snarled.  
“You won’t be breathing for much longer if you don’t cut the drinking out” Bernie said.  
“Don’t you dare stand there giving me lectures your just jealous cause i got the girl and you didn’t i told you Serena was no lesbian you stupid bitch”  
“Right anymore of that and i’m calling security pack it in” Zav said

Bernie walked away and tried to call Serena to warned her but there was answer. “Are you ok i thinks it’s best if i take over don’t you Miss Wolfe”  
“Yes please i will started the rounds” Bernie said

It was lunchtime and Bernie was sat in the office she shared with Serena catching up on paperwork which she hated. When she heard Edward shouting again she got and to went to see what was up.

“I told you i am not eating that shite what the hell is it supposed to be”  
“Mr Campbell can you please keep the noise down you are upsetting the other patients” Bernie said  
“Oh shut up and get me something proper to eat then you stupid cow”  
“EDWARD WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TALKING TO” Serena shouted

The ward went quite and everyone just look at Serena who was stood there with Cameron in his pram. Cameron started crying and Serena took him out and started rocking him.  
“Sh sh sh mummy’s here it’s alright” Serena said gently  
“Mummy you have had another kid” Edward said angrily  
“Yes not that it’s got anything to do with you” Serena said  
“Come on darling let’s go in the office this is upsetting you and the little un come on” Bernie said giving Serena a kiss on the cheek and talking Cameron’s pram for her.  
“OH MY GOD YOU TWO ARE TOGETHER” Edward shouted.  
“Here Bernie you take him in the office i think me and him need to have a chat”.  
“Are you sure you’ll alright with him”.  
“I’ll be fine go on”

Serena sat at the side of Edward and with Bernie watching nervously from the office window.

“I can’t believe you have had another child you have replaced Ellinor” Edward cried  
“No i haven’t replaced her Edward i miss her so much it broke my heart when we lost her and i am so scared that i am going to lose Cameron too. I think about her everyday wondering what she would be like and what she would look like she would be 16 years old now you know”.  
“I know she would be she is the reason i’m like this the drink helps me forget what i lost her and you Serena”  
“Don’t Edward it’s your fault you lost me cause you couldn’t keep it in your pants remember”.  
“I still love you Serena you are the love of my life you are the best thing that ever happened to me.”  
“Edward you will always have a place in my heart you were the father of my baby but you and me no more i love Bernie i always have even when i was with you i always thought about her all the time i’m sorry Edward.”  
“Please Serena you can’t honestly tell me you would rather be with her then me.”  
“Lets see shall we Bernie is kind,loving and she would do anything for me and Cameron and she makes me feel safe. You on the other hand are a cheating alcoholic who used to take off for days on end to get your end away no contest really is there.”  
“I promise Serena if you take me back i will pack the drinking in and the women i just want you please i am begging you i have lost everything and everyone i have ever loved” Edward cried

Serena reached out and took Edwards hand Bernie was still watching from the office when Cameron started to cry again.  
“Sh it’s ok little man mummy won’t be long i’m here mum’s here”  
But Cameron still carried on crying.  
“Come on let’s go get mummy shall we”  
Bernie walked out onto the ward and saw Serena still holding Edwards hand she turned around as soon as she heard Cameron’s wailing and walked over to them.

“Hey hey what’s all this little man” Serena said taking him from Bernie “What’s all this noise for then eh.” Cameron stopped crying almost immediately as he was placed in Serena’s arms.  
“Are you ok with him Serena i need to get to theatre”  
“Yeah yeah Cameron’s fine with me”  
“I meant with him” Bernie nodded towards Edward.  
“Fine we are just talking about Ellinor and he is feeling sorry for himself himself i’m ok really.” Serena said touching Bernie on her arm  
“Ok i love you” Bernie said.  
“I love you too give us a kiss” Serena said smirking

Bernie gave both Serena and Cameron a kiss then went back to work. Serena went back to sit at the side of Edward where she had Cameron over one shoulder rubbing his back.

“Can i look at him please Serena”  
Serena lifted Cameron and put him in her arms so Edward could see his face.  
“Oh Serena he is beautiful you are so lucky to be given another chance” Edward said reaching out to take little Cameron’s hand  
“I know i am he and Bernie are my world i love them both so much Edward”  
“I can see that Serena i’m sorry for the way i acted earlier i am glad you are happy and settled really.”  
“Thank you Edward i hope you get sorted out too look i better go in the office i think this little man needs feeding.”  
“Serena can i see you again please” Edward pleaded  
“I don’t think so look after yourself Edward goodbye” Serena said as she walked back to the office.

Bernie came in the office to where Serena was still sitting holding Cameron as he slept peacefully and went over to give her a kiss.  
“Are you ok love”she said  
“Yeah fine”  
“How this one doing”  
“Fine minding his own business by the smell of things i better change him and then i better get off and put the shopping away.”  
“How did things go with Edward”.  
“Not bad he is just feeling down am sure he will be ok” Serena said as she began to change Cameron’s nappy

Just then Zav came in the room and said he need to talk to Bernie about Edward condition.  
“What’s wrong with him” Serena said  
“Its bad Serena his liver is beyond repair i would say he has only got weeks to live”  
“Are your sure”  
“Yes i’m sorry” Zav said  
“Bloody hell i can’t believe it” Serena said  
“Are you ok do you want me to see if i get Ric to cover and i will come home with you”  
“No no i’ll be fine i’ll see you later.”  
“Ok see you later”

As Serena walked down the corridors to leave she couldn’t help thinking that Edward will soon die and he will finally be with there daughter and Serena couldn’t help feeling a little bit jealous.


	9. Please don't go

November 1986

Bernie and Serena had been seeing each other for just over a year and they were blissfully happy. They spent nearly all day every day together.  
They still got the odd sarkey comment Edward but they didn’t let it bother them they were in love and they didn’t care who knew about it well apart from their parents that it. All there parents knew where that they was good friends who shared a room. One day while Serena and Bernie where in a lecture the Dean’s secretary came in and asked to speak to Bernie. Serena looked at Bernie as if to say what’s all the about. Bernie shrugged her shoulders squeezed Serena’s hand and walked off with secretary. When Serena went back to her room Bernie was already there packing a suitcase.

“Bernie what are doing what’s going on why are packing” Serena said with tears already forming in her eyes.  
“I have to go Serena my dads not well and mum needs me near so i will be going to a university in London”.  
“NO NO this isn’t happening i will come with you i will see if i can get a transfer to London too”.  
“Serena you can’t you have to stay here and finish your degree and then you will be the best vascular surgeon in the world” Bernie said stroking Serena’s cheek.  
“But that doesn’t mean anything if i don’t have you god Bernie i love you so much i don’t think i can live without you” Serena said crying as she sat on Bernie’s bed.  
“Of course you will i love you too sweetheart and it won’t be forever and we can still keep in touch this isn’t the end Serena”  
“It sure feels like it” Serena reached out and pulled Bernie into a crushing hug. “I don’t want to lose you i don’t want to let you go Bernie”  
“Look at me Serena look at me.”Bernie put her hands on both sides of Serena’s face her face felt wet with her tears and her mascara was starting to run.  
“I love you more than i have ever loved anyone in my life we are going to make this work. I want to spend the rest of my life with you Serena Wendy McKinnie and one day fingers crossed one day if they change the laws i want to make you my wife and have a family of our own.”Bernie said with tears now streaming down her own face.  
“Really you really want to me marry one day”  
“Really if you will have me that is”  
“Oh Bernie of course i will have you i don’t want anyone else i would love to be your wife one day” Serena said giving Bernie another big hug not wanting to let go.  
“Serena i have to finish getting packed i have got a taxi booked and it will be here soon.” 

After Serena finally let go Bernie finished off her packing in silence neither of them knowing what else to say. Bernie went in bathroom to get the rest of her stuff and when she came back into the room she went to sit on Serena bed.Serena was laid on the crying her heart out.

“Serena i would like you to have this it used to be my grandmothers” Bernie said taking her necklace off and placing it in Serena’s hand.  
“No Bernie i couldn’t take this i know how much this chain means to you”.  
“You mean a lot to me too Serena and i want you to have it as a promise that we always have each other no matter what happens please take it”  
“I would be honoured Bernie i will treasure it always i promise.”

Bernie placed the necklace around Serena and then they heard a car horn honk.

“That will be my taxi i better go”  
“I will come down with you”  
“You don’t have to”  
“I want to i need to”

Bernie and Serena held hands all the way down to the taxi. The taxi driver took Bernie’s cases and put them in the boot.  
“Right this it then” Bernie said.  
“I am going to miss you so much promise you'll keep in touch won’t you”  
“Of course i will i am going to miss you too Serena so so much” Bernie said pulling Serena into a big hug not sure if she could actually let her go.  
“Please change your mind please don’t leave me Bernie” Serena whispered.  
“I have to i really wish i didn’t Serena but my mum needs me”  
“I know i’m just been selfish you better give me a kiss goodbye then” Serena sniffed.

Bernie lent in and gave Serena the biggest kiss she had ever given her they both had tears streaming down their faces. The honk of the horn made them pull away from each other.  
“ALRIGHT YOU IMPATIENT TWAT” Serena shouted  
“I better go i love you”  
“I love you too”  
As Bernie walked to get into the car Serena followed when the door shut Bernie put her hand onto the window and Serena did the same. The car drove off and Serena just stood there sobbing her heart out she saw Edward stood there smirking.   
“Finally buggered off has she” Edward snarled.  
“Get lose Edward.” Serena said as she started walking off.  
“Don’t you see Serena now that the big bad Wolfe has gone me and you can finally be together.” Edward said as he ran to catch up with her.  
“I’m sorry did i not make myself clear the first time FUCK OFF Edward”

When Serena got back to there room the place looked so empty and tidy without Bernie’s clothes all over the floor. She laid on Bernie’s bed and her hand went up to fiddle with the chain that Bernie had just given her,  
A awful thought went through her mind what happens if she never was to see Bernie again she didn’t think she would be able to cope if that happened.

The next few months were awful without Bernie Serena threw herself into her uni work she had only heard from Bernie once and that was just a Christmas card and a letter which she would read over and over again.

My darling Serena  
I hope you are keeping alright i miss you so much. I’m afraid my dad passed away there was nothing the doctors could for him his cancer was too advanced. I will have to stay in London now i can’t leave my mum she has taken it really badly. When i get home after uni i am just spending my night’s making sure my mother doesn’t get too pissed. I hope uni is treating you well and you are working hard you have got a fantastic future ahead of you McKinnie please don’t spoil it just cause i’m not there. I hope Edward is behaving himself and not giving you any trouble. I will try and write again soon but i am bogged down with uni work as i’m sure you are too. I love you so much Serena .

 

Love always   
Your Bernie

 

That was 3 months ago and she hadn’t heard another word since no phone call nothing and Serena couldn’t phone her cause she didn’t have a number she had sent loads of letters but heard nothing in return. Serena had a horrible sinking feeling she would never see Berenice Griselda Wolfe again.


	10. i'm so sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning this chapter contains an attempted overdose

When Serena pulled up at the house she just sat staring ahead of her till a knock at the car window pulled her back to her senses making her jump.  
“Bloody hell mum you scared me to death then"  
“Mind your language Serena" Adrienne said as she opened the car door to get Cameron out of his car seat.  
“Mum as nice as it is to see you what are you doing here you were only her yesterday”. Serena said as she started taking the shopping out of the car.  
“Well that's nice isn't it am i not aloud to see my daughter and grandson twice in a week"  
“Of course you are I'm sorry I've just had a bit of a rough morning that's all sorry mum let me just put the shopping away then I will make us a brew ok".

Serena began putting the shopping away smiling at Adrienne as she babbled away as if having a conversation with Cameron.  
“Your grandma's gorgeous little soldier aren’t yes you are”

As Serena watched Adrienne cooing over the baby Serena couldn't help but think about Elinor and how her mum never got to see her she would have loved her and spoiled her rotten. Serena could feel tears springing to her eyes I have to get out of here she thought.  
“Mum you couldn't watch him for a bit could you I have just remembered I have forget to get something from the shops I won't be long there is some bottles made up in the fridge if he gets hungry”  
“Yes yes we will be just fine won't we yes we will “ Adrienne said to Cameron in a childish voice”

 

“No car she must still be out Bernie said to herself as got out of the car and let herself in. Bernie heard the TV on and went into the front room to turn it off.

“Adrienne I didn't think there was anyone in with Serena's car not been outside"  
“Serena isn't here she said she had to pop back to the shops for something she had forgotten but that was over two hours ago I have tried ringing her but it just keeps going to voicemail.  
“How was she when she went out did she seem alright to you” Bernie said.  
“Yes yes why shouldn't she be she seemed fine a bit quite but I just thought she might be a bit tired looking after this little one why do you ask” Adrienne said looking more concerned.  
“Serena has had a bit of bad news today Edward has been admitted his liver has just about given up he has only got weeks to live"  
“Why should that bother her the man is a waste of space he was never good enough for my daughter i don't know what possessed her to marry him in the first place. You are so much better for her Bernie"  
“Thanks for saying but he was still her husband for 10 years it must still hurt”

Bernie took Cameron from his grandma and began to ring Serena. Oh pick up pick up she said to herself but there was no answer.  
I am going to go look for her this isn't like her I am getting worried now there is no way she would leave Cameron like this can you stay with please"  
“Of course I can” Adrienne said talking the baby back Bernie “Ring me when you find her”  
“Will do” Bernie said as she ran out the door and into the car, Where could she be Bernie decided to try the hospital to make sure she hadn't been in a accident. When she got there she barged in through the doors nearly knocking Ric over.  
“Blinking heck Bernie where's the fire”  
“Serena isn't here is she”  
“No I haven't seen her since she came in this morning why what's up"  
“She had left the baby with Adrienne and hasn't been seen for nearly 3 hours this isn't like her Ric" Bernie said her voice raising higher with panic.  
“She used to do this a lot when we first lost Elinor she would disappear for hours on end she will be ok have u tried the cemetery that's where she used to go to sit by Ellie's grave" Edward said  
“Thanks Edward which cemetery”  
“Haugh road the baby's graves are at the bottom erm Bernie before you go I just want to apologize for being a complete idiot I know how much Serena loves you and I can see how much you love her” Edward said sincerely.  
“Thank you Edward” Bernie said squeezing his hand and smiling 

 

Bernie walked down the short path to the baby's area and instantly recognized Serena's red coat. As Bernie got a bit closer she decided to stay back as she could here Serena talk to Elinor's grave.

“Oh Elie I wish you were still here with me I miss you so much you were never given a chance were you. I saw your daddy today and he is really poorly sweetheart and he will be joining you soon to look after you. It's not fair Ellie I should be the one that gets to look after you not your useless Daddy. I wish I could be up there with you I really do" Serena cried .  
“What about us Serena what about me and Cameron we need you more than anything” Bernie said with tears in her eyes as she walked closer to Serena “Don't we mean anything to you”.  
“Of course you do it's just I want my little girl back Bernie I need to feel her in my arms again I feel so lost its like a piece of me died with her “

Bernie bent down and sat at the side of Serena and put her arms around her and pulled her close. Serena nuzzled into Bernie's neck and sniffed “ Don't ever think I don't love you Bernie I do I always have and I always will you and Cameron but he needs a better mummy than me “  
“That's crap Serena and you know it you are fantastic mummy Cameron loves you when he was crying earlier with me the minute I put him in your arms he stopped crying almost straight away that's cause he wanted you and feels safe with you Serena"  
“I can't do it anymore I'm so sorry Bernie but I don't want to be here anymore I want to up there with Elinor that's where I belong please Bernie please let me go” Serena said putting a handful of tablets into her hands but Bernie knocked them right out of Serena's hand on onto the grass standing on them to crush them.  
“No I am not going to let you do this Serena I can't lose you I don't want to lose you your my world" Bernie said taking hold of Serena's face so she could look at her but Serena tried to look away.  
“Look at me Serena please look at me I am nothing without you I lost you for over 20 years and I am not going to lose you again I can't. So if you are going to do this if you really want to die then I am coming with you cause I can't live without you ok"  
NO NO NO you can't I don't want you to die you have got years In you yet and who will look after Cameron if anything happens to you “ Serena said practically begging Bernie not to do it and grabbing her hands.  
“I don't care about Cameron someone will look after him” Bernie said  
“How can you say that how can you say that you don't care our little boy"  
“Well that's what you are saying Serena you want to leave our son without his mummy so you can be with your daughter”  
“That's not true I love my son so much it hurts” Serena shouted  
“Then why do you want to leave him and me I'm sorry Serena but we need you more the Elinor does come here" Bernie said pulling Serena in for a crushing hug and not letting her go.  
“I am so sorry your right Bernie I never meant to hurt you I don't want to leave you or Cameron I'm so so sorry can you ever forgive me “Serena sobbed Into Bernie's neck.  
Of course I will but I really do think you need to talk to a professional it's something you should done when you first lost Ellie cause it quite clear it's still raw for I will come with you if you want.”

 

Just then a crack of thunder sounded and the heavens opened Bernie pulled Serena up and the both legged it to the Bernie's car cause it was closer when they got in the looked at each other and started laughing.  
“Bloody hell I feel like a drowned rat Serena chuckled as she looked at Bernie and reached out to take her hand. Bernie held onto Serena's hands and lent over to kiss her. I can’t lose this this woman Bernie thought to herself as she carried on kissing Serena. They reluctantly pulled so they could catch their breaths,  
“Take me home Bernie i want to see my son” Serena smiled tearfully  
“Yes boss” Bernie said holding Serena’s hand.

Serena practically ran through the door into the front room and picked Cameron out of his baby basket and hugged and kissed him like she hadn’t seen him in weeks.  
“Serena where the hell have you been i have been worried sick” Adrienne said.  
“Not now mum please i just want to be alone with my baby hello little man mummy loves you so much”  
Bernie gestured to Adrienne to go in the kitchen with her.  
“So where was she”  
“The cemetery she was at Elinor’s grave i’m sorry Adrienne but i caught her trying to take a overdose she said she wanted to be with ellie i knocked the tablet’s out out her hand”  
“No my Serena wouldn’t do something like that she is happy with you and Cameron”  
“I’m so sorry mum i just didn’t know what else to do i just miss her so much” Serena cried  
“Oh my darling come here” Adrienne cried as she hugged her daughter as close as she could without squashing Cameron” why didn’t you come and talk to me i am always here for you I love you so much no matter how old you are you are still my little girl.”  
“I know i love you too mum i thought i could fight the way i was feeling but i couldn’t”  
“Serena has promised me she will go and talk to someone about this she should have really done it when she first lost Ellie” Bernie said  
“This is all my fault i should have made you see someone from the start” Adrienne cried pulling Serena into another hug.  
“It’s not your fault mum please don’t ever think that”  
“I don’t want to leave you tonight my darling i want to stay close” Adrienne said  
“You can stay here tonight i will nip out get us a takeaway eh” Bernie said grabbing her keys “i won’t be long” Bernie said giving Serena a peck on the cheek.

Adrienne helped Serena bath Cameron then she fed him while Serena has a shower. They were both sat on Serena’s and Bernie’s bed watching him sleep. Adrienne put her arms around Serena and pulled her closed.  
“Promise me darling you won’t ever try and do anything like that again i can’t lose you a mother is not supposed to outlive her daughter that’s not the way it’s meant to be”  
“I promise” Serena said as she hugged her mum tighter.  
“Come on that’s Bernie back let’s get something to eat inside you” Adrienne said reaching out to take her hand.

Later that night as Serena and Bernie laid in bed in each other arms Serena was finally asleep Bernie couldn’t help but think how stupid she was to let this woman go 20 years ago.


	11. I don't want you

July 1987

It had been 8 months since Bernie had left Serena and the summer holidays were coming up so Serena decided she was going to go down london to see her and to find out what was going on and to see if there was still a chance for them. Serena booked a hotel for a couple of weeks. On the train down there Serena had never felt so nervous she got off at kings cross station and hailed a taxi to Bernie’s home. When the taxi pulled up Serena mouth fell open she had never seen a house as big she paid the taxi driver and walked up the drive. Serena took a deep breath and rang the bell.

“Whatever your selling i’m not buying” the tall gray haired women who answered the door said in a posh accent.  
“No no i’m not selling anything my name is Serena i have come to see Bernie i am erm i am her friend from uni is she in”  
“Oh i am so sorry please do come in i will give her a shout.”

As she walked into the house Serena had never seen anything as posh in her life bloody hell she thought this is what buck house must like”  
The lady showed Serena into the a large room and told her to make herself comfy as she went to get Bernie. Serena started looking around the room at all the pictures and paintings when she heard the door open she slowly looked around.

“Hi Serena” Bernie said shyly  
“Hi how are you i hope you don’t mind me coming but i had to see you “it’s been months since i heard anything from you” Serena said rushing over to Bernie to hug her.  
“I wished you would have said before just turning up” Bernie said backing away from Serena  
“Well it’s a bit hard to do that when i don’t have your phone number i have sent you a letter every week since you left and i have only heard back from you once what’s going on Bernie” Serena cried  
“I’m sorry i never was one for letter writing or keeping on touch” Bernie said as she sat down on the sofa.  
“Then why did you say that you would you promised me we would be ok you said you loved me and wanted a future with me did you mean any of it” Serena said taking a seat at the side if Bernie on the sofa.  
“At the time yes”  
“At times and what you don’t anymore”  
“I’m sorry i never meant to hurt you that’s the last thing i ever wanted to do” Bernie said turning to face Serena.  
“I love you so much i thought we had a future I wanted a life together the marriage one day maybe a family of our own i believed everything you said but it was all lies wasn’t it and me like an idiot fell for it”  
“NO NO it wasn’t lies i did love you i thought we could have a future together but after i came home i realised that me and you we could never work we are poles apart i am so sorry Serena but I don’t think we should see each other again” Bernie said standing up and walking around the room.  
“Poles apart ah you mean cause you are obviously rich and i am not whats the problem does mummy not want you mixing with the poor girl”  
“This has got nothing to do with my mum or how well off we are this is about me about us Serena”  
“Pull the other one Bernie it farts Elvis of course it's to do with money do you really think I only want you for your money I didn't even know you were wealthy "  
“SERENA THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MONEY IT'S ABOUT US" Bernie shouted.  
“Well you have made it very clear that there is no us i was clearly wasting my time coming here in the first place and waiting for all these months maybe i should have stuck with Edward at least i knew what to expect from him nothing I thought you were different but obviously I was wrong” Serena said as she stood willing herself not to cry.  
“Maybe you should have stuck with Edward”  
“NO i shouldn’t have i don’t even know why i said that” Serena said walking up to Bernie and taking her hands in Bernie’s “I love you i will always love you i refuse to believe that you don’t feel the same way.”

 

Bernie reached up and took Serena’s face in her hands and began stroking her face with her thumb wiping the tears that were now rolling down Serena’s cheeks.

“Please please don’t cry darling I'm not worth it this is for the best don’t you see”  
“The best for who cause it certainly isn’t the best for me Bernie you are the best for me can't you see that i want to be with you I want to spend the rest of my life with you please please don't do this to us”  
Serena tried to lean forward and kiss Bernie but Bernie held her shoulders to stop her from moving any closer.  
“I could transfer to your University please Bernie I am willing do anything so we can be together again please please we can make this work Bernie” Serena cried  
“No Serena will you listen to me I don't want it any of it i don't want you” Bernie said  
“I don't believe you"  
It's the truth"  
“There's someone else isn't there come on Bernie be honest with me I deserve that much”  
Bernie put her head down to the floor and couldn't bring herself to look at Serena. There was no one else she loved Serena Wendy McKinnie more than anything in the world but Serena could do so much better then her she had to let her go.  
TELL ME BERNIE IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE” Serena shouted.  
“I’m sorry Serena”  
“I'll take that as a yes then oh god I have got to get out of here have a nice life Berenice Griselda Wolfe" Serena cried

Bernie showed Serena to the door as she opened the door the walked straight down the path she couldn’t bring herself to turn around and look at Bernie one last time she wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of seeing her heartbroken. 

“SERENA I AM SORRY” Bernie shouted  
“FUCK OFF” Serena shouted as she kept on walking down the path vowing she wasn’t going think about Berenice Griselda Wolfe ever again.

As Serena reached the end of Bernie's street she spotted a pub she decided she needed alcohol and lots of it. As she walked into the bar she looked around and it was full of old men In suits. Hey oh Serena thought as long as it's got alcohol Serena she walked up to the bar.

“Yes love what can I get you" the barmaid a tall pretty blond haired girl said.  
“A large bourbon and a large Shiraz and make it fast please"  
“Tough day eh”  
“Something like that” Serena said her eyes welling up with tears again.  
“Why don't you take a seat over there and I will bring the drink's over to you”

Serena tried her best to smile at the girl and went to sit at the nearest table. Serena couldn't get Bernie out of her head but she knew she was going to have to.  
“There you go do you mind if I sit down" the barmaid said  
“No of course not I won't be much company though. How much do I owe you" Serena said looking for her purse in her bag.  
“It's on me you look like you need cheering up”  
“You don't have to do that but thank you" Serena said as she knocked back the bourbon and pulled a face.  
“It's none of my business but if you want to talk about it sometimes things aren't so bad after all plus us bar staff are good at listening to people's problems and we are cheaper than a shrink”  
“Oh it's bad I have lost the only person I am ever going to love I believed her when she said she wanted a future with me but it was just all lies she has just broken up with me” Serena said as she broke down crying again.  
“I'm sorry you must think I'm a right idiot"  
“No of course not i have had my heart broken a few times i know what it’s like” the barmaid said as she moved to sit at the side of Serena.  
“I’m sorry if i upset you talking about your ex like that let's start again shall we hi my name is Annie”  
“Serena pleasure to meet you Annie and thank you again for the drinks " Serena said holding out her hand for Annie to take.  
“The pleasure is all mine and for the record I think your now ex is a total idiot letting you go"  
“Thank you but please don't speak ill about her she isn't a bad person" Serena said tearfully.  
“I'm sorry I just meant if I had a girlfriend as lovely and beautiful as you I would never let her go” Annie said at she put her hand on Serena's

Serena looked away and took a drink of her Shiraz she could feel her heart pounding in her chest was this girl really coming into her bugger it she thought to herself if Bernie doesn't want me then I will find someone who does.

“Do..do you live nearby” Serena stuttered.  
“My flats just around the corner and my shift finished over 30 minutes ago” Annie said as Serena knocked the rest of her drink back stood up and reached out to take Annie's hand.  
“What we waiting for then let's go"

When they got outside Annie pulled Serena in a alley at the side of the pub and pushed her up against the wall. Annie kissed Serena's lips and pushed her tongue straight in making Serena moan.  
“Your ex is an idiot" Annie said as they came up for air and she began kissing and nipping Serena's neck.  
“Please can we just go to yours I am not having sex down a grubby alley in broad daylight” Serena said trying to catch her breath  
“Sure come on"

When they got into the flat Annie took Serena straight to the bed and practically threw her on the bed. Annie Began to undo Serena's shirt and take her bra off she began to kiss her breast and suck on her nipples. Serena didn’t even try to take Annie’s clothes off she just laid there. Annie grabbed Serena hand and tried to put her trousers but Serena kust pulled her hand away. I can do this Serena thought if Bernie can have someone else so can. So Serena pulled Annie’s top over head and started remove her bra her breast were bigger than Bernie’s and when Annie started to remove Serena’s trousers she grabbed her hand to stop her.  
“What’s wrong Serena”  
“I i can’t do this am sorry all i can think is about is her and it’s not fair to you i don’t want to use you like this i am really really sorry” Serena cried  
“Hey it’s alright we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do we can just talk if you want i think i have a bottle of Shiraz somewhere” Annie said.  
“No thank you i better go” Serena said looking around the room for her shirt and bra rushing to put them back on feeling very insecure.  
“Right i’ll show you out then” Annie said sounding very pissed off.  
“No need i can find my own way out thank you” Serena left the flat and slammed the door she went to the nearest phone box and cancelled her hotel reservation. I can’t carry on like this Serena thought as she got back on the train and pulled out of London as far as Serena was concerned was Bernie Wolfe no more.


	12. Believe

Bernie woke up the next day it was still dark she turned over and felt for Serena for but found the bed empty she jumped out of bed fearing the worst and ran downstairs she went into the lounge and found Serena on the sofa feeding Cameron his bottle.

“Bloody hell Bernie you sound like a herd of elephants you will wake mum up” Serena said.  
“Sorry you wasn’t in bed and i just thought that”  
“I had topped myself”  
“Well i’m sorry Serena but you can’t really blame me after yesterday can you” Bernie said as she sat at the side of Serena on the sofa.  
“I guess not look Bernie i promise i won’t do anything like that again i will ring someone today and get some help i promise darling”  
“I hope so cause i don’t want to lose you Serena i love you so much”  
“I love you you too i always have and i always will” Serena lent over and kissed Bernie on the lips.  
“Now make yourself useful and stick kettle on i could murder a cup of tea” Serena laughed  
“Coming right up”

As Bernie walked out of lounge Adrienne was coming down the stairs and followed Bernie into the kitchen. Bernie asked Adrienne if she wanted a brew.  
“Oh yes please how is she this morning”  
“She seems ok she said she is going to ring someone today and make a appointment i just hope she does she needs to get sorted. Why don’t you go see here and i will bring the drinks in”

Adrienne walked into the lounge as Serena was just putting Cameron back into his baby basket.  
“Good morning darling” Adrienne said as she walked over to Serena and gave her a hug squeezing her tightly. “I was so worried about you yesterday please Serena if you ever feel like again just talk to me i am always here for you i don’t care how old you are you will always be my little girl”   
“Or me you can always talk to me” Bernie said as she entered the lounge and put the drinks on the table.  
“I will i promise” Serena said holding both her mum and Bernie hands.

They drank there tea’s chatting Bernie was getting Cameron dressed while Serena was curled into her mum’s side it reminded her of when she used to sit like that as child it always made her feel safe Adrienne kept kissing her on her head.  
“Let me take over Bernie have you seen the time your going to be late for work” Serena said  
“I’m not going in today i rang Henrick and ask for some emergency holidays”  
“You didn’t tell him anything did you it will be all the hospital by lunchtime you know what the rumour mill in there is like anyway you should go to work i will be fine” Serena said.  
“No of course i didn’t tell him i have got while Monday off i just want to stay with make sure your alright”  
“Is this the way it’s going to be now with you guarding me like a prisoner” Serena shouted.  
“No of course not but i am worried you Serena god knows what would have happened if i hadn’t have found you in time yesterday”  
“Bernie’s right love we are just trying to protect you that’s all”  
“I can’t do this right now i’m going back to bed if you want to do something useful look after Cameron he needs looking after more then me” Serena said slamming the door behind her.  
“Well that went well didn’t it i just can’t seem to do anything right these days” Bernie said with her head in her hands.  
“Hey you are doing your best she knows that deep down she know how much we both love her she will come round just give her time” Adrienne said putting her arms around Bernie. “Its my over 70’s club today why don’t i take Cameron with me give you two a break give me a excuse to show him off everyone keeps asking about him”.  
“Thank you”

Three hours later Bernie was cleaning up in the kitchen when Serena came downstairs. Serena stood at the door watching Bernie washing the pots she walked over to her and put her arms around Bernie’s waist and put her head on Bernie’s shoulder.  
“I’m sorry about earlier i shouldn’t have shouted at you like that i know you were only trying to help me”  
“It’s ok i am just scared that’s all” Bernie said turning round to face Serena and wrapping her arms around her waist.  
“You don’t need to be scared i promise i won’t ever try that again you have to believe me”  
I want to believe you i really do but last night Serena when i saw you with that handful of pills i really thought you were going to take them. Tell me the truth Serena if i hadn’t found you would you have taken them” Bernie said with tears in her eyes.

Serena let go of Bernie and walked across the kitchen and sat at the table Bernie followed her and sat at the side of her.  
“Serena answer my question i need to know would you have taken them and left me Cameron and your mum”  
“Yes” Serena said quietly Bernie jumped up from the table away from her.  
“I can’t believe you would have been so selfish do you realise the pain you would have caused if you had have gone through with it me and your mum would have been heartbroken and Cameron would have had to live his life without without his mummy”  
“But i didn’t did i cause you stopped me”  
“Do you wish i hadn’t” Serena looked down and started crying “Serena answer me”  
“YES I DO IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR YES BERNIE I WISH I WAS DEAD I WISH IT WAS ME THAT WAS DYING AND NOT EDWARD THERE I HAVE SAID IT ARE YOU SATISFIED NOW” Serena shouted.  
Bernie just stood there shocked she couldn’t believe what she had just heard how could Serena feel like that they had everything they had good jobs they were happy or so she thought and they had a beautiful baby. Serena stood up and went to the wine rack and open a bottle of Shiraz she poured herself a glass and drank it in one go.  
“Bit early for that isn’t it it’s only 10.45” Bernie said angrily.  
“So what it’s not like i have got any pills to wash it down with thanks to you” Serena said as she poured herself another glass.  
“Serena stop it please your scaring me” Bernie said as she took the bottle and glass out of Serena’s hand and went over to sink and poured it away.  
“NO NO you can’t do that”Serena cried  
“Tough i just have done” Bernie said taking all the rest of wine off the rack and pouring them down sink while trying to knock Serena’s hands out of the way at the same time.  
“I can’t believe you have just done that I HATE YOU BERNIE” Serena said as she ran out of kitchen and out of the front door.Bernie followed her out shouting her name but it was too late she was already in her car all she could do was watched her drive off .

 

Bernie got into her car and started driving around she went to the over 70’s group to get Adrienne and tell what had what happened. They drove around for hours they went to the cemetery but she wasn’t there. They had to go back home cause Cameron was getting Grumpy. When they got out of the car and in through the front door the phone was ringing,  
“Hello” Bernie said  
“Hello do you know someone called Serena”  
“Yes yes she’s my partner is she ok”  
“Yes just a bit worse for wear i am a the barmaid at the The white Swan i have just come on my shift and your partner is very intoxicated could you come and pick her up please”  
“Yes of course i will be there in about 15 mins” Bernie told Adrienne she had to go and get Serena.

When Bernie walked into the pub she could see Serena sat on a chair at the bar with a bouncer trying to hold her up begging the barmaid to let her another drink and telling the bouncer to get off her,  
“I think you have had enough love” the bouncer said  
“I haven’t had nearly enough you don’t understand and will you get your hands off me” Serena slurred  
“Serena come on let’s get you home eh”Bernie said as she put her arms around Serena.  
“And you can get off me as well i am perfectly able to stand on my own see” Serena tried to get up off the chair but lost her balanced Bernie had to catch her before she fell.  
“Get off me Bernie” Serena said angrily Bernie reluctantly let go and Serena slip down the bar onto the floor crying. Bernie sat at the side of her she really wanted to put her arms around her but she thought Serena wouldn’t want her to. The barmaid brought Serena a glass of water.  
“I don’t want that”   
Serena just try a bit please for me” Serena drank some of the water and noticed people were walking by looking at them.  
“What’s everyone looking at you’d think they had never seen a drunk person before” Serena said angrily  
“Serena let’s go home eh and get something to eat inside of you”  
“Ok” Serena said as she staggered up she was walking like bambi on ice her legs were going in all directions. When Bernie finally got her in the car she put her hand on Serena’s hand and she squeezed it as if to say it’s going to be ok. Serena held her hand and they just sat looking at each other for moment.  
“I bet you hate me don’t you” Serena slurred,  
“No i could never hate you i love you so much”  
“Even after everything i have put you through in the past few days”  
“Serena you and Cameron are my world and i wouldn’t be without either of you” Bernie said stoking Serena’s face.  
“Take me home” Serena said as she turned away from Bernie to stare out of the window.

The drive home was a quiet one when Bernie finally got Serena on the house she took her straight in the lounge and sat her on the sofa while she went and got Serena something to eat. Adrienne just looked at Serena she didn’t know what to say or do to help her daughter.  
“Are you going to say something shout at me or are you just going to keep on giving me that disapproving look”  
“I can’t talk to you when you are this state oh and your son is fine by the way but i don’t think you are bothered about him are you”  
“Don’t talk stupid of course i’m bothered about him he’s my son i love him”  
“You have got a funny way of showing it the way you have been acting the last few days makes me wonder if you love him at all him or Bernie”  
“HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU SIT IN MY HOUSE AND TELL ME I DON’T LOVE THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE GET OUT GET OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW” Serena shouted  
“Hey what’s going on Serena calm down” Bernie said as she ran into the room to see what the shouting was for.  
“No i won’t calm down want her out of my house NOW”  
“Fine i’ll go will you be alright with Bernie”  
“Of course she’ll be alright Jesus mam what the hell do you think i am going to do”  
“I’ll be fine will you be ok”  
“Fine i will get a taxi i will call you tomorrow”  
“Don’t bother” Serena said as she sat back down  
“Serena please that’s fine i’ll see you out don’t take it to heart she will more than likely ring you tomorrow to apologise” Bernie said giving Adrienne a hug at the front door.  
“See you later look after won’t you”  
“You know i will”  
“Has the witch of Eastwick gone” Serena said  
“That’s your mum you are talking about she is just worried about you we all are”  
“Well there’s no need i’m going to bed” Bernie helped Serena upstairs the Bernie went into the bathroom to get undressed.when she finished she stood at the bathroom and saw Serena sat on the edge of the bed watching Cameron as he slept. Serena reached out to take his hand and she gently picked up him which scared Bernie with the amount of alcohol she had drunk . Serena kissed his head and started crying while Bernie went and say at the sat of her and put her arms around her.  
“Oh Cameron mummy loves you so much i’m really sorry i haven’t been a very good mummy the last few days but i promise you and our mum i will change and i promise i will never leave either of you” Serena said as she looked at Bernie they both had tears their eyes. Bernie took Cameron off Serena and put him back in his cot they both got in bed and Bernie put her arms out and pulled Serena close.  
“I love you Bernie i’m so sorry”  
“I love you too it’s not me you should be saying sorry to it's you mum she didn’t deserve the way you spoke to her Serena”  
“I know i will ring her in the morning and apologise i promise i just want to go to sleep now goodnight Bernie”  
“Goodnight sweetheart” let’s see what tomorrow brings thought Bernie.


	13. Marriage

August 1990

Serena sat at her vanity mirror while the hairdresser put the finishing touches to her hair. Serena kept fidgeting in her chair not because she was nervous but because she knew she was marrying the wrong person. I wonder what she's doing now Serena thought and who is she with is she even happy part of Serena hoped she was happy but another part of her hoped she wasn't for breaking her heart. A knock at door brought Serena back to now.

 

“Come in" Serena said as she turned around to see who it was.  
“How you feeling” Adrienne said reaching out to take Serena's hand.  
'Am fine really”  
“You don't look fine Serena are you sure this is what you want could you give us a minute alone please” Adrienne said the hairdresser.  
“Mum I'm ok really it's my wedding day I am marrying the man I love it's just nerves that's all you must have felt the same when you married dad" Serena said.  
“A little but I knew in my heart your father was the only person for me and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him your face tells a different story. Your thinking about her aren't you the real love of your life" Adrienne said as she squeezed Serena's hand.  
“Mum please don't I need to do this I have to marry Edward he loves me"  
“Do you love him Serena that's what I am asking you”  
“I I care about him that's enough for now I will grow to love him eventually”  
“Oh sweetheart that's no excuse to get married it must be with someone you love more than anything and who you couldn't live without and you know as well as I do that’s not Edward is it"  
“I thought you would have gone mad when I first told you about me and Bernie but you didn't did you you were more upset that we had split up"  
“Did you think I really didn't know what was going on one of the times you came down here with her during the holidays you were both sat in the garden and i watched you through the kitchen window I saw you kissing her and she stroked your cheek you looked at each other and looked so in love it brought a tear to my eyes happy tears I might add" Adrienne said  
“She made me happy mum I loved her so much still do but she broke my heart and i can't forgive her for that anyway I better put my dress on look at the time Serena put her legs in the dress and pulled it up.  
“Will you zip me up please mum"  
“Of course I will right turn round so I can see better" Serena twirled around and then stood still “Oh darling you look beautiful Bernie Wolfe doesn't know what she is missing”  
“Is it safe to come in” George said  
“Of course dad"  
“My darling you look stunning Eddy is a lucky man isn't he Adrienne”  
“Mmm she is far too good for him I know that it's not too late to change your mind love" Adrienne said  
“Mum I am not changing my mind I want to do this honestly”  
“Then tell your face that then” Adrienne said as she gave Serena a hug “You look beautiful I love you so so much” she whispered in Serena's ear  
“Right I will see you too at the church “Adrienne said tearfully 

 

The ride to the church was quite Serena was holding her dad's hand and looking out of the window thinking about the first time she met Bernie and wondering how she would feel if it was Bernie she was actually Marrying I wouldn't be feeling like this Serena thought I would be so excited cause I would be marry the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with and not a womanising alcoholic.

“Where here love”George said “you ready love”  
“Yep let’s do this” Serena said 

As they got to the entrance of the church and hear the music start to play George held his arm out for Serena and take as they began their walk down the aisle. Serena was looking at all the guest some she knew some she didn’t. She faked smiled at them as she continued walking imagining it was Bernie who was meeting her at the end. Why am i even doing this Serena thought i don’t even love him i don’t even think i like him. Serena could see Edward stood waiting for her grinning like a Cheshire cat she suddenly felt very sick and just wanted to run back out the way they came in. As they reached the end of the aisle George placed Serena’s hand into Edwards. He kissed Serena on the cheek and went to sit down.

“You look nice” Edward said  
“Thanks” Nice Serena thought is that all he thinks i looks bloody nice.

“Dearly beloved we a gathered here today to witness the the marriage of Edward Campbell to Serena Wendy McKinnie. Before we start does anyone know of any cause why these two people should not be joined in holy matrimony.” Please someone say something please someone say thing Serena thought.  
“Edward do you take Serena to be your lawfully wedded wife” the vicar said.  
“I do”  
“Serena do you take Edward to be your lawfully wedded husband” no no no i don’t Serena thought.  
“I do”

 

The rest of the wedding went by in a blur for Serena she knew she was doing the wrong thing but it was too late now.

“I now pronounce you man and wife you may kiss the bride” the vicar said. Edward kissed Serena and on the lips and whispered in her ear.  
“I can’t wait to get you into bed tonight” Serena felt sick again

At the reception everyone was having a good time except for Serena she had to get out and go for some fresh air. She went out into the gardens and sat on a nearby bench. After about half an hour Adrienne came out to see where she was.  
“What you doing out here on your own” she said as she put her arms around Serena to which she just started to cry.  
“Oh mum what have i done i have made the biggest mistake of my life i don’t even think i like him let alone love him”  
“It’s not too late Serena we can go in there and tell him you want a divorce”  
“I can’t mum i should have called it off this morning when you asked me to i have made my bed i will have to lie in it oh mum i can’t stop thinking about Bernie i want to be with her mum i love her so much” Serena cried.  
“Oh my darling you could always go back to her mum’s house and see if she knows where she is”  
“I can’t she made it quite clear the last time that she didn’t want me i don’t think i could take rejection again” Serena said wiping the tears that were running down her cheeks.  
“So it looks like your stuck with that pillock then” Adrienne said  
“Looks like it we had better get back inside come on” Serena said.

“When they got back in Edward was completely rat arsed and could’t walk Serena asked one of his friends if they would help her take him to there room. They chucked him the bed and them his mate left wishing Serena good luck. Serena opened the patio doors and sat outside it was still quite warm. This is my life now she thought me putting him bed every night cause he is too pissed to go himself. Oh Serena what have you done she thought to herself.


	14. Time to change

Serena woke up the next day with a banging headache she sat up in the bed and saw 2 paracetamol and a glass of water on the side with a note.

Morning sleepyhead just thought i would leave you these incase you were feeling abit rough this morning.i have taken Cameron out for a bit to let you sleep.  
I love you Bernie  
I love you too mummy Cameron xxxx

Serena smiled “i love you both too” she said out loud. oh my god i need to throw up she thought. Oh my i am never drinking again Serena thought as she walked back into the bedroom. She heard Bernie come back in and slowing started to walk down the stairs

“Feeling a bit rough are we” Bernie said  
“Just a bit i am never drinking again my head in banging it feels like there is a load of drummers in there” Serena said as she took Cameron off Bernie and went to sit at the kitchen table kissing him on the head. “I am sorry about getting so drunk last night darling”  
“It’s not me you should be saying sorry to it’s your mum” Bernie said  
“My mum why should i be saying to her” Serena said looking puzzled  
“Don’t you remember Serena you were horrible to her plus you practically kicked her out of the house”  
“What no i didn’t your making that up cause i can’t remember anything why would you say that”  
“Trust me i am not making it up if you don’t believe me ring her up and ask her”  
“Fuck what have i done she must hate me i would never intentionally do anything to hurt her Bernie ” Serena said with tears in her eyes. “ i better ring her to apologise”. Serena passed Cameron back to Bernie and started to ring Adrienne.  
“Mum it’s me i am so sorry about yesterday i don’t remember any of it i would never had kicked you out of our house i love you so much please forgive me”  
“You really upset me i didn’t even recognise you yesterday you were so mean” Adrienne said  
“I don’t recognise myself in me anymore either i need help but i can’t do it on my own i need you and Bernie mum” Serena cried.  
“Darling you will always have me and Bernie you should know that but like you say you really do need to get some help”  
“Can you come over please Bernie will pick you up i really need to see you”  
“Of course i can don’t bother Bernie i will book a taxi i won’t be long”  
“Thank you so much mum”  
“I will do anything for you i love you so much”  
“I love you too see you in a while bye”

Serena walked back into the kitchen and took the baby back off Bernie.  
“Will you be ok with him while i go get a shower”  
“Of course i will what do you think i am going to do”  
“Sorry sorry i was just asking” Bernie said  
“No i’m sorry i shouldn’t have snapped at you come here and give me a kiss please” Bernie smiled and did as Serena asked of her”

While Bernie went for a shower Serena fed Cameron changed him and was getting him back to sleep when the doorbell rang”  
“That will be grandma lets just pop you in your pram a minute little guy”  
Serena opened the door and straight away ran in her mother’s arms hugging her Adrienne hugged her daughter back as tight as she could.  
“Oh mum i am so sorry i never meant to hurt you i love you so much i would be lost without you”  
“I love you too it’s ok really just don’t do it again we have to stick together all four of us”  
“Are you two staying on the doorstep all day or are you going to come in i will makes us all some lunch” Bernie said as she came down the stairs.  
“Hello little man grandma has missed you can i pick him up Serena” Adrienne said as they went into the lounge”  
“Of course you can mum you don’t have to ask i really am sorry about last night it won’t happen again i promise”Serena said reaching for Adrienne’s hand.  
“Who fancies a fry up for dinner bacon,sausages, fried eggs the works” Bernie asked as she came back into the room.  
“Don’t look like that Serena it will do you good after the booze last night line your stomach”  
“Fine let’s have that then” Serena’s stomach churned at the thought of all that grease.  
“That’s the ticket love you have got to eat something when was the last time you actually ate something eh” Adrienne said.  
“Truthfully i don’t really know mum”  
“Oh Serena you have got eat strength goes in at the mouth you know and you need all the energy you can get now especially with this little one” Adrienne said as she put Cameron back in his pram as he was now fast asleep.  
“So when are you going to ring someone to get some help”  
It will have to be Monday now they will be shut for the weekend but i promise first thing Monday i will ring i can’t go on like this can i mum”  
“No darling you can’t come here” Adrienne said holding out her arms for Serena to go into” We are going to get you through this my love me and Bernie and Cameron he will do his bit too you know. I am sorry i said you didn’t love him yesterday that was uncalled for sweetheart”  
“I don’t remember you saying that but it’s ok i haven’t shown any of you much love lately but i do so much all of you”  
“Grubs up” Bernie said  
“Berenice it’s food not grub” Adrienne sighed  
“She won’t change now mum it’s too late besides i wouldn’t have her any other way” Serena said as she went up to Bernie and kissed her on the cheek.

They sat at the table eating their dinner Serena didn’t realise how peckish she was until she started eating. As she looked around the table and her mum and Bernie and then she kept glancing into Cameron’s pram that was at the side of her. I have to get through this she thought i have to get help i can’t put the 3 people i love most in this world under this kind of pressure and keep hurting them. Things are going to change and they are going to change for the better.


	15. She's back

May 2006

Serena pulled up at the hospital for another busy day. As she got out the car she saw Henrick walking towards her. Oh god she thought what does the fifth member of abba want with me already.

Morning Ms Campbell how are you today”s Henrick said as they started to walk into the hospital  
“Not bad so any reason why you have ambushed me before i even had my morning coffee”  
“Well as you know i promised you i would get you some help on aau”  
“Yeah that was months ago and still nothing it’s not good enough i am shattered Henrick”  
“Well that’s what i need to talk to you about i have found you some help the best there is actually a ex army major specialises in trauma”  
“Oh that’s all i need some man thinking he is better than me i hope you have told him im am in charge of this ward not him” Serena said as they got to her office and she took her coat off.  
“Of course but actually  
“Serena can i get some help out here i don’t like the look of this fella” Fletch said  
“Sorry Henrick duty calls”

Serena ended up talking the bloke to theatre when she came out Dr Digby shouted her.  
“Eh Ms Campbell Mr Hansen is waiting for you in your office”  
“Tell him i won’t be long just need to get changed first”

As Serena made her way back the office she could see Henrick sat there waiting impatiently.  
“I’m so sorry Hen” Serena stopped dead oh my god she thought it’s her what is she doing here.  
“Ah ms Campbell glad you could finally join us i would like to introduce you to your new co lead Major Berenice Wolfe”  
They both just looked at each other before Bernie stood up”  
“We already know each other hello again Serena” Bernie said as she held out her hand for Serena to shake.  
“Hi” Serena said as she shook Bernie’s hand and quickly let go.  
“So how do you two know each other”  
“We met briefly at uni” Serena said feeling her anger bubble up inside of her.  
“Good good right i will leave you to get on play nice Serena” Henrick whispered in her ear.

“So you are Serena Campbell now you actually married that tosser”  
“Yes i did not that it has got anything to do with you” Serena snapped  
“Look Serena we have to work together we should at least try to get on”  
“Fine let’s get out there then and see what you can do.

Serena was sat at the nurses station she was supposed to be typing out notes but she couldn’t help keep looking across the ward to look at Bernie. She was still as gorgeous as she always was and that arse my god. Serena could still remember how good that arse felt as grabbed and dug her nails into it as they made love. I wonder if she is with someone i hope not i hope she lonely and miserable like she made me.  
I hate her oh who am i kidding i love her i always have and i always will but i can’t ever forgave her for what she did to me she broke my heart. Just then Bernie started to walking towards her so she put her head down pretending to be busy.

“Er Serena sorry to bother you but i think Mr Andrews needs a emergency laparotomy would it be ok to take him in”  
“What you asking me for do what you think is best you are a co-lead Bernie not a flippin F1 you don’t have run everything past me”  
“Right ok i don’t suppose you want to scrub in and help me do you”  
“You suppose right i don’t” Serena said getting back to her paperwork  
“Fine sorry i asked”

What did you do that for you idiot you she was trying to be nice. They managed to avoid each other for the rest of the shift. Serena was just about to get her coat when Fletch and Bernie came into the office.  
“Campbell get your coat on it’s shiraz o’clock and we can introduce Bernie to the rest of the rabble what do you say” Fletch said  
“Oh not tonight things to do sorry” she said looking at Bernie  
“Come on boss you don’t have to stay long if you don’t want to just have a couple”  
“Fine come on then” Serena huffed as she put her coat on

“Right first rounds on me what you having”  
“I will get these fletch put your money away” Bernie said  
“Thank you very much Major larger for me please” Fletch said as he went to sit down.  
“You still a shiraz drinker then Serena”  
“Just a small one pls” 

As serena went to sit down Digby,Dom.ric and Sasha came in got there drinks and sat down to join them.  
“A toast to the Major i hope you will be very happy here were not a bad bunch really apart from jac to Bernie”  
“To Bernie” they all said apart from Serena who just carried on drinking her wine.  
So Serena have you made your mind up yet are you going to Edwards wedding to the fetus” Ric said  
“No way she is welcome to him” Serena said as looked up and saw Bernie staring at her.

Ric and Sasha went to get another round in and Digby and dom were at the duke box arguing about which song to put on,  
“So you and Edward are divorced”  
“Nothing gets passed you does it”  
“Serena please can’t we just get along we are going to be working together”  
“Get along you want us to get along my god you have got some front do you remember what you did to me you promised me the world then you broke my heart i was so in love with you i wanted a future with you and then you found someone else well i hope you are happy Bernie because i have been miserable since the day you left me i have to go” Serena said with tears in her eyes. Bernie left it a few minutes and decided to follow her she ran back to the hospital and saw her car was still there Serena was just sitting there she knocked on the window.  
“Serena please open the window I am not leaving till we sort this out ”  
Go away leave me alone why are you even here” Serena said as she opened the window.  
“I came to make sure you are alright”  
“I don’t mean now i mean why are you here in holby”  
“Can you open the car door and let me in so we can talk properly please”  
“Fine” Serena said as she unlocked the car door and Bernie got into the passenger seat.  
“Serena i am so sorry for what i did to you i never meant to hurt you and just for the record there was no one else i promise”  
“Then why say that there was you hurt me Bernie i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with i didn’t want anyone else”  
“Didn’t stop you getting hitched to Edward did it”  
“Do you think i really wanted that i only married him because i couldn’t have you and I didn't want to be alone it was the worse mistake of my life. I even imagined what it would be like if i was marrying you on the way to the church in the car'.  
“I had to put him in bed on our wedding night cause he was that drunk and he never stopped drinking for the 3 years we were married.  
“You didn’t stay together long was it because if his drinking”  
“That and other things i don’t want to talk about it” Serena said putting her head down.  
“He didn't hit you did cause if he did I will"  
“You will what Bernie kill him you won't do anything cause I am nothing to you anymore you saw to that”  
“Serena I need to know did Edward ever hit you tell me please"  
“No he didn't and unlike you he never broke my heart either cause I never loved him anyway look can you just get out of my car now I need to go home” Serena said as she stretched out to try and open Bernie's door. Bernie grabbed Serena's arm and they just looked into each other's eyes before Serena snatched her arm away. What have you done you have really hurt this girl no wonder she doesn't want anything to do with you Bernie thought.  
“You going to sit there all night because I want you get out of my car so I can go home “ Bernie could tell Serena was getting angry now.  
Fine I can see you are never going forgive me for what I did and I can't say I blame you goodnight Serena" Bernie got out of the car and walk round to Serena's window.  
“Just for the record there hasn't been a day gone by when I haven't thought about you and i hate myself for what I did to you Serena"  
“You still haven't explained why though have you why you break my heart" Serena said as she started the engine. “Talk to me again when you going to start telling me the truth I need answers goodnight Major Wolfe" she reversed and drove away leaving Bernie alone she jumped into her car and tried to follow Serena's car best she could she managed to catch up with her at the red lights as they entered what was Serena's street she held back a bit but she could still see what house she went in. It's now or never Bernie thought as she got out of the Car and walked up to the solid wooden blue door and rang the bell.

“Blimey that didn't take Bernie I thought you was my takeaway how do you did know where I live"  
I followed you”  
“Adding stalker to your CV now are we you really are a jack of all trades look what do you want Bernie am tired and Hungary I haven't gotten energy for this"  
“I want to explain to you why we had to part your right you need to Know"  
“Fine but no diversions just tell me truth I deserve that at least" Serena said opening the door and showing her into the lounge “can I get you a drink”  
“No am good thanks I don't know where to start”  
“You could try the beginning i find it usually works for me" Serena said sitting on the sofa and patting the seat next to her for Bernie to sit.  
“Go on then am waiting”  
“Right well when I left you at uni I meant every word I said to I did want to marry you one day and have a family and be with you forever but"  
“But what go on am all ears"  
“Well when I got home I was so miserable everyone thought I was sad and had tempered cause of dad but it was cause I missed you so much I told one of my best friends or so I thought she was my best friend all about you everything she promised not to say anything to anyone. Then just after dad's funeral and after I sent you that letter I came back from uni and my mum shouted me into the lounge I thought she was drunk again but she was stone cold sober she looked at me like she despised me.  
“What's up what have I done now”  
“What have you done when were you going to tell me that you are in a relationship with a woman a bloody woman have you list your mind Bernie who is she some slapper that knows we have a few quid " mum said she looked at me like I was her worse enemy.  
“Don't call her that Serena is the nicest person i have ever met I just knew if you met her you would feel the same you would like her too mum"  
“I don't want to met her and you will not see her again either”  
“NO MUM NO I LOVE HER PLEASE DON'T I WANT TO BE WITH HER” I shouted.  
“Don't be stupid Berenice you can't be with her you are both woman it's not natural.  
“Not natural then why is it when I am with her in her bed making love to her it feels like the most natural thing in the world"  
“Don't be so disgusting I thought I brought you better then that anyway you are not to see her again end of conversation”  
“I am nearly 21 years old you can't tell me who I can see and who I can't”  
“Can I not where do you want join Bernie when you qualify”  
“The army you know that so"  
“You know homosexuality is not aloud"  
“I'm not going to tell em it's not of there business I am not giving Serena up mum I love her"  
“You won't tell them but I will if you don’t end this ridiculous relationship right now"  
“No please mum don't do this all i ever wanted was to join the army I can have both I want both"  
“We can't always have want we Berenice it's time to make a choice” mum said as she held up the phone  
My head was all over place I wanted you and the army but knew she wasn't to let me Serena.  
“Tick tock time’s ticking Berenice what’s it going to be her or the job of your dreams”  
“Ok ok i won’t see her again i promise”  
“I knew you would see sense you will thank me one day” mum said  
“So now you know why i had to split from you”

Serena stood up and started clapping as she walked around the room.  
“Oh my that’s was some performance you should have been an actress”  
“It’s the truth Serena”  
“Then why when i came to see you was you mum so nice to me if she was suppose to hate me huh”  
“When she came to get me she said “that money grabbing dyke is here to see you get rid of her i don’t want her in my house you have got ten minutes to get shut of her or i will be making that phone call”.  
“It’s the truth Serena when you were walking down our drive after it wasn’t just your heart that was breaking mine broke too and it has never mended im so sorry” Bernie said as she broke down

Serena stood up and put her arm around Bernie’s shoulder and pulled her close. What a complete and utter bitch her mum is she thought. Bernie put her head on Serena’s shoulder and they laid back against the sofa curled into each other no words were needed.  
“Bernie do you still see your mum”  
“No i haven’t spoken to her since i joined the army i hate her for what she made me do i lost the only person i will ever love” bernie said as she turned to face Serena. Bernie lifted her hand up to stroke and wipe the tears that were rolling down Serena’s cheek. Bernie lent forward to kiss Serena but she stopped her.  
“I don’t think that’s a good idea do you”  
“Why not i love you so much i always have i want you Serena i need you”  
“I think you should go before we both end doing something we will regret”

Serena reluctantly showed Bernie to the front door and they said their goodbyes. As Serena was laid in bed she couldn’t stop thinking about Bernie why didn’t you just let her kiss you she thought you could be making love to her by now or just cuddling up to her. I want her back no she thought i need her back.


	16. i'm going to lose her

tap ..tap..tap..tap..tap  
“Serena are you nervous” Bernie said as they sat in the reception of the councillor's office.  
“Nervous whatever gave you that idea” Serena said sarcastically.  
“Well your feet do sound like they are auditioning for Riverdance” Bernie said as she squeezed Serena’s hand.  
“Sorry i am just scared what he is going to say to me”  
“He will more than likely just listen to what you have to say today”  
“What he thinks i need sectioning i could not survive that Bernie my career would be well and truly over if that happened”.  
“Nobody is going be sectioning you ok you just need to tell him everything about Ellinor and what you tried to do”

“Ms Campbell” said a tall blond haired man who poked his head round the door,  
“Yes that’s me”  
“Do you want me to come in with you”  
“No i need to do this on my own but thank you” as Serena walked to the door she turned round to face Bernie and mouthed” i love you”  
“I love you” Bernie mouthed back.  
As Serena walked into the office the first thing she noticed was all the pictures on the wall and the very strong smell of coffee.  
“Please Ms Campbell take a seat my name is Stewart Law can i get you a coffee or tea” he said shaking Serena’s hand.  
“No thank you nice to meet you please call me Serena”  
“Serena tell me from the beginning what’s been happening”  
“Well em well 4 days ago i tried to take my own life” Serena said said with tears in her eyes”  
“Just take your time how did you try to take your own life”  
“With pills but my partner stopped stop me”  
“And how did that make you feel when she stopped you”  
“I felt angry i ddn’t want to be here anymore i want to be with my little girl”  
“What happened to her”  
“She died when she was a few hours old there was nothing the doctors could do for her” Serena said now crying.  
“Did you not seek help when it first happened” Mr Law said as he handed Serena a a box of tissues.  
“No i thought i could just get on with it my husband well ex husband now took it just as bad me and he turned to drink to help him block it out. He hasn’t stopped drinking since and now he has only got a few months to live himself”.  
“How did you cope with it Serena when you you first lost your daughter.”  
“I just threw myself into my work it was the only good thing in my life”  
“And what do you do for a living”  
“I am vascular surgeon”  
“That’s a demanding job you said you were divorced do you have a partner at present”  
“I have got the greatest partner she is so supportive and 6 weeks ago i gave birth to a beautiful baby boy he is perfect i love them both so much. I know i should be so happy people would give their right hand for what i have got but i just feels like something is missing.”  
“What’s missing Serena”  
“My little girl my little girl is missing i just keep thinking about all things i will never see like her first words first steps. Taking her to school for the first time arguing about the boy she is seeing cause i don’t think he is good enough for her. Seeing her getting married looking absolutely beautiful in her wedding dress and maybe just maybe giving me my first grandchild so in answer to your question i am missing out on everything”  
“Serena you still have most of them things to come with your son. Have you told your partner how you feel”  
“I have told her bits but i don’t want to tell her everything incase it upsets her”  
“You can tell me anything i will listen to anything i will not judge you in any way”  
“It sneekes upon you grief reminders creep in and ambushes you just when you think you can cope. It turns out i’m not really coping at all. I’m angry why did this have to happen to us and i feel confused how can she just go without me getting a chance to know her. She wasn’t given a chance of life the life we should have had together gone. Now all im left with is the grief and the pain but i don’t think i want to let that go” Serena said as she broke down again”  
“I think we will stop there i will see you again on friday same time ok”  
Serena went outside and ran into Bernie’s arms sobbing her heart out”  
“Hey hey it’s ok everything is going to be ok i promise we are going to get you through this sweetheart come on let’s go home”

 

When they got home Serena went straight upstairs to the bedroom. Cameron was having a nap in his cot. Serena gently took him out and sat on the bed with him she stroked his cheek and noticed they were bright red and his forehead was warm and clammy.

“BERNIE BERNIE SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH CAMERON”  
“What’s up with him”  
“Look at him his cheeks they are red and he is hot and clammy we need to take him to the hospital  
“He was alright when i put him down for his nap” Adrienne said as she walked back into to room to see what the commotion was.  
“Serena he is probably just warm i am sure if he was in pain he would let us know take his clothes off for a bit and see if he cools down”  
“Fine if you won’t come with me i will take myself i can’t risk anything happening to him i can’t lose him too”  
Calm down i didn’t say i wouldn’t take you i just said take his clothes off and see if he cools down and if he doesn’t then we take him ok” Bernie said as she took him off Serena and started to undress him”  
“There you go little fellow is that better eh” Bernie said as Serena looked on worriedly.  
“Don’t over crowd him we need to give him space to cool down Serena go sit on the chair over there”  
“STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO I AM HIS MOTHER” Serena shouted  
“SO AM I”  
“I’M MORE HIS MOTHER THAN YOU I AM THE ONE WHO GAVE BIRTH TO HIM NOT YOU”  
“Alright you two calm down” Adrienne said why don’t you both just sit over there ok”

 

After about 30 mins Cameron’s cheeks had gone down and his head has cooled down. Serena went over to Cameron and pick him up and started peppering his little face with kisses.  
“See Bernie was right he was probably just overheated” Adrienne said  
“I’m sorry Bernie”  
“Do you know something Serena i am fed up of hearing you say sorry sometimes you say things that can’t be forgiven” Bernie said and she walked the lounge and out of the front door slamming it behind her.  
“Made a balls up that didn’t i”  
“She’ll come back when she has calmed down”  
“What am i doing mum at this rate i am going to lose her again and i couldn’t handle that again she is one of the best things that has happened to me mum” Serena cried.  
“She won’t leave you again Bernie loves you too much both of you”  
“I know she does”  
“Serena you know you really shouldn’t have said that you are more his mother than she is that was cruel” Adrienne said  
“I didn’t mean it have never thought that i don’t know why i say things sometimes just hold him a tick i am going to try phoning her”

Bernie was sat in her car wondering if she made the choice coming to holby and back to Serena. Just then her phone started ring she saw it was Serena so she left it to ring. When it finished ringing she saw there was a message”

“Bernie please come home i know you are sick of hearing it but i am so sorry for what i said i didn’t mean it any of it i love you so much and you are just as much Cameron’s mum as i am. I don’t know why i say things anymore it just comes out whether i mean it or not. I wouldn’t blame you if you left me i wouldn’t want to be with me either. I promise i will change i am seeing that fellow now and he has said he will help me.i want to spend the rest of my life with you and one day as you say make you my wife please come home i love you Bernie. ”

Bernie wiped the tears from her eyes and started the car. When she arrived back home she saw Serena looking through the window as soon as she saw Bernie she ran to the front door to meet her”

“Bernie your back i am really sorry you have to believe me” Serena said throwing her arms around Bernie’s neck.  
“I know you are It’s just going to take time to get you back to normality” Bernie said as she kissed Serena’s forehead

 

Later that night as Cameron was tucked up in his cot Serena and Bernie were in bed Serena took Bernie’s face in her hands”  
“You are just as much his mummy as i am you know that don’t you”  
“I know and i know you didn’t mean it”  
“I promise i will try not to hurt you again with my word’s please don’t leave me Bernie i was alone and miserable without you for nearly 20 years and i know i can’t go through that again.  
“I am not going to leave you i promise i was just as miserable without you too” Bernie said giving a kiss.  
“Bernie will you please make me the happiest woman on earth and be my wife”  
“Serena we can’t get married it’s not legal yet”  
“But we can still get engaged please Bernie there isn’t anyone else for me but you and there never will be. I only married Edward so i wouldn’t be on my own i never loved him i thought about you every day wondering what you were doing if you were happy” Then the day i walked into our office and saw you sat there i tried to make out i was angry with you but deep inside i was so happy to see you i just wanted to throw my arms around you and kiss you. To tell you how much i have missed you and love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you so Berenice Griselda Wolfe will you do me the honour of one day becoming my wife” Serena said now crying.  
“You try and stop me” Bernie said as she pulled Serena close to her kissing her passionately.

Serena didn't want the kiss to end she flipped Bernie on her back and whispered in her ear “i am going to show you how much i love you” she pulled Bernie’s vest top off and started sucking and biting on her nipples then grabbing the other one with her spare hand. Serena kissed all the way down to Bernie waistband on her shorts”  
“I think these can go bottoms up” laughed Serena  
Serena could tell just by looking how ready Bernie was for her.  
“You are so beautiful you have no idea how much i have missed you for nearly 20 years” Serena said as she drove 2 fingers inside of Bernie.  
“Oh my god Serena i missed you too i am never letting you go again more Serena i need more please”  
Serena added a 3rd finger and began pumping in and out as fast as she could” Bernie began grabbing fistfuls of sheet”  
“Omg please please don’t stop Serena thats feels so good i am going to come”.  
Serena began sucking on Bernie’s clit and knew she wouldn’t be long then Bernie threw her head as her orgasm took over. Bernie began to shake with the aftershocks .Serena crawled up Bernie’s body and kissed her tenderly.  
“Jesus Serena you are amazing”  
“ i know” Serena laughed  
“I cannot wait to be your wife Serena Wendy Campbell i want us to be together for the rest of our life”  
“That’s all i have ever wanted” Serena said smiling.


	17. Take me back

August 2006

As Bernie arrived to work she noticed Serena’s was car was not there yet. It had been 3 months since Bernie had come back to Holby and her and Serena were still no more than friends. Bernie walk into the hospital and saw Serena sitting at a table at pulses with a woman who had brown curly hair they were laughing and nearly had their heads together.Bernie felt a pang of jealousy looks like she has moved on she thought to herself. As Bernie was getting served she heard the woman say to Serena see you later gorgeous. Serena just started laughing and stood up then she saw Bernie in the cue.

“Morning Bernie” she said cheerfully.  
“Morning” Bernie sounded very pissed off.  
“What s up with you this morning the sun is out it’s a beautiful day cheer up you miserable sod”  
“Well unlike you with haven’t all had a eventful night I take it you stayed at hers hence why no car came in together did we how sweet” Bernie said as she walked off”  
“Excuse me what’s that supposed to mean”  
“Well you and your little friend were looking very cosy back there”  
“What the hell has that got to do with you what i get up is none of your business whatsoever” Serena said as she walked on ahead.

All through the shift Bernie couldn’t take her eyes off Serena she looked so damn good today. Serena looked up from the file she was looking at and saw Bernie looking at her she walked up to the nurses station where Bernie was sitting.

“Have i got something on my face or something”  
“What no why”  
“Well you keep staring at me is there a reason for that”  
“I’m sorry it’s just that”  
“Just what”  
“It’s just you look so gorgeous i’m sorry”  
“Bernie you know what we agreed we said we would just been friends”Serena said trying her hardest not to smile and kiss Bernie there and then.  
“I know i’m sorry i have to go i am due in theatre” Bernie said as she walked off as quick as she could. Why did you say that now she thinks that I slept with Fleur I will have to tell I haven't no sod her let her think me and Fleur we're at it all night Serena thought.

“Miss Campbell this is Daisy she is 8 months pregnant fell from a ladder” Fletch said.  
Hello Daisy my name is Ms Campbell but you can call me Serena what the hell are you doing climbing ladders in your condition”  
“I was wanting to get the nursery finished before my partner came home from work"  
“Right let's look at this leg shall we” Serena said as she began to examine Daisy.  
“Owwww that hurts Jesus"  
“Fletch get her in for a xray Daisy I think it"s safe to say it's broken but we will do a xray to know for sure. Is there anyone we can contact for you"  
“Just my partner the number is in my phone"  
“Lou will you do that for me and Fletch ring Miss Fanshawe and tell her to come and check on the baby please”  
“Ms Campbell Ms Wolfe needs you to scrub in she needs help in theatre" “Ok I am needed in theatre I will be back later Daisy.”

Serena scrubbed in and went into the theatre”  
“So what's the problem”  
“I was debriding the dead tissue and found the pulse is week In this arm the blood supply obviously isn't getting to his fingers can you sort it please”  
“Of course right let's get cracking"  
“Rocking the Mr Magoo look if you don't mind me saying"  
“I could do it blindfolded if you prefer”  
“So em you and that woman this morning is it serious”  
“I am not having this discussion in theatre Bernie"  
“Sorry I know it's nothing to do with me your free to see or sleep with whoever you want “  
“Your right it hasn't got anything to do with you so hush I am trying to concentrate here"

 

“Do you fancy a drink tonight my shout" Bernie said as they scrubbed out at the end of surgery  
“Sorry not tonight"  
“Seeing your little friend again are you for a repeat performance”  
“Just stop ok you lost all right to me and what I do when you broke my heart what I do now is none of your business got it" Serena said as they went out the doors back on the ward.

“Hello gorgeous I hear you have got a patient for me" Fleur said  
“Can't keep away can she” Bernie Whispered and walked away  
“Yes yes Fleur this Daisy 8 months pregnant fell off a ladder"  
“She won't be doing anymore decorating she is going to be taking easy for the next month"  
“Alright I won't I'm sorry this is my partner Julia this is Serena my doctor”  
“Hello nice to meet you right Daisy this is Fleur Fanshawe she is going to make sure baby is ok I will leave you too it" Serena said she walked to the nurses station where Bernie was sitting staring into space.

“Right I'm off for a coffee do you want one hello earth to Bernie” Serena said as she waved her hand in front of her face.  
“Sorry I was just watching that couple over there they look so happy that should be us Serena”  
“STOP PLEASE” Serena shouted and everyone looked at them.  
“Sorry”  
“I can't do this right now i need some air I'm going for my break" Serena said as she walked off of the unit.

Serena got herself a coffee from pulses and went to sit in the peace garden.  
“Oh sorry Ric i will leave you to alone”  
“No no please take a seat you ok you look a bit stressed”  
“Yes well no i just had to get out of there it’s all too much Ric” Serena said as she burst into tears.  
“Hey Serena what’s brought all this on” Ric said as he put his arm around her.  
“If i tell you promise you won’t tell say anything Ric”  
“I promise you can tell me anything were mates are we not”  
“It’s Bernie remember when i told you we had met briefly at uni well it was more than that we had a relationship we were together for just over a year then she had to move back to london cause her dad was dying and to make a long story short i never really saw her again to she walked back in here 3 months ago” Serena said wiping her eyes.  
“Right well that wasn’t what i expected so what’s the problem”  
“The problem is she wants us to get back together. There is a couple on the ward and they are having a baby the women and her girlfriend are so happy and in love and Bernie said that should be us we should be together again”  
“And you don’t want that”  
“Truthfully i want that more than anything Ric. I have been in love with her for nearly 20 years yes i have been married and i have had the odd relationship with men and women but none have ever lasted cause not one of them have lived up to her.”  
“Well then why don’t you just tell her and then you can both start again.”  
“It’s not that simple Ric i am scared that if we try again she will just end up getting bored with me and then i will be on my own again and i couldn’t bear it. Bernie is the only person i have and will ever love Ric.

Just then Ric's pager went off and he said his goodbyes and left Serena on her own to think. Serena got out her phone and rang her mum.  
“Hi mum”  
Hello darling you not working today”  
“Yeah just on a break”  
“Are you ok Serena you sound upset”  
“Just having a bad day that’s all i don’t know what to do mum”Serena said as she started crying again.  
“What’s wrong what has happened”  
“She is here mum she is back and i don’t know what to do”  
“Who”  
“BERNIE”  
“Ok ok no need to shout”  
“I’m sorry it’s just i have thought about her so much over the years and then all of a sudden she turns up and to top it all off she wants us to try again mum”  
“Well that’s good isn’t it you can’t tell me that you don’t still love her cause i know if you do then you are lying”  
“Of course i still love her it’s just mum i have to go i am needed love you see you later” Serena said as she saw Bernie walking towards her quickly wiping her tears away.

“Hi are you ok”  
“Am fine what do you want Bernie.”  
“ Serena i am sorry about before but i can’t help the way i feel i love you so much and i will do anything to have another chance with you. I promise i will do all i can to make you happy.”  
“You promised me that before remember”  
I remember and i meant it if it wasn’t for that cow of a mother of mine i would never have left you. Just tell me what i have to do to be with you again i will do anything please Serena.”  
“When you said that you want what Daisy and julie in there have did you mean it”  
“Yes i did i want us to have a future together and hopefully have a family of our own nothing else matters anymore just yo” Bernie was cut off by Serena’s lips on hers the kiss was passionate with Serena’s hands on the Bernie’s face. When they finally came up for air they just sat holding each other.

“Serena what about Fleur”  
“What about her”  
"You spend the night together did't you"  
"i bloody did not"  
“Are you too not you know”  
No way"  
"Well how come you didn't come in your car this morning"  
"Because the bloody thing packed up again i am going to have to bite the bullet and get a new one she just gave me a lift that's all"  
"Sorry i just thought"  
“Me and Fleur are just friends she listens to me banging on about you that’s all there is only one woman for me and that's you i love you so much”  
“Thank god for that I love you too we are going to make this work Serena i am never ever going to lose you again”  
“Promise”  
“promise”.


	18. massage

Serena had now been seeing Mr Law the therapist twice a week for two months now and was starting to feel a little better about herself. Serena was giving Cameron his breakfast when Bernie came downstairs and gave them both a kiss.

“How are my two favorite people in the world this morning he looks like he is enjoying that” Bernie said.  
“Were good aren’t we fella he is loving this baby porridge”  
“He is growing so fast Serena he will be walking and talking before we know it” Bernie said as she sat down to eat her cereals.  
“I know but he will always be my little boy no matter how old he is come here mucky pup” Serena said as she lifted Cameron out of his bouncy chair and started to clean and kiss his face.  
“Serena i love are little family you know that don’t you”  
“Of course i do and so do i so much”  
“What would you say if i said that i had been thinking about extending our little family”  
“Extending i hope your not talking about having another baby Bernie”  
“Yeah why not i bet Cameron would love to have a little brother or sister someone for him to play with and talk to”  
“He has got us to talk to Bernie beside everything seems to be finally getting back to some sort of normality”  
“I know but just think how good it would it will be our little family of four” Bernie said holding Serena’s hand.  
“Bernie i’m sorry but i don’t think i want another baby i am happy just the way we are Cameron is enough for me”  
“I know you are scared that you might get depressed again but i don’t want you to give birth i want to give birth this time then i can be a real mum”  
“Oh Bernie you are already a real mum i told you i didn’t mean what i said the other week”  
“I know but i really want another baby Serena i want to give birth to our baby please say you think about it”  
“Alright i will think about it right i better get myself and this one dressed i am taking him to baby massage today”  
“Baby massage what the hell’s that”  
“It’s supposed to relax baby and mum as well”  
“Sounds a right load of shite” laughed Bernie  
“Yeah well it gets us out of the house and away from Peppa Pig”  
“Yeah right don't give me that you love Peppa Pig don’t pretend you dont right i better go i love you and I love you big fellow” Bernie said as she kissed Serena and Cameron and headed for the door.  
“Bye darling bye mum” Serena said as she began shaking Cameron’s arm as if he was waving goodbye.  
Bernie blew them both a kiss and went off to work.  
“Come on sweetheart let go get dressed”.

 

Serena pushed Cameron in his buggy into the centre where the baby massage was been held as she looked around the room she was glad to see mothers of all ages she had wondered if she would be the oldest mum there. Serena found a spare chair and sat down taking Cameron out of his buggy. A lady with short red hair came in and started to introduce herself to the group.

“Good morning everyone my name is Teresa and i will be taking the baby massage today. If you could all strip your baby’s down to their nappies before we start. If you could all find a mat and lie your babys down on them i will come round and give you all a bottle of massage oil”

“This your first time here” the lady next to Serena said.  
“Em yes yes it is”  
“Hi i’m lucy this here is eliza” lucy said holding out her hand for Serena to shake.  
“Nice to meet you Serena and this is Cameron so is this any good”  
“This one seems to like it she is so relaxed after she usually sleeps for hours so i get all my housework done”  
“Win win then” Serena said.

After the massage class Serena was getting a yawning Cameron dressed when Lucy came up to her.  
“Some of us usually go to the cafe next door for a coffee and a chat if you want to come with us you would be more than welcome”  
“Thank you that would be lovely”

As they all sat down in the cafe Lucy introduced Serena to the other mums Maureen,Grace,olivia,Steff and trudie.  
“So Serena what did you think of baby massage then”Steff Said.  
“Well it is different but this one seemed like it and that’s all that matters”  
“My husband thinks it a load of shit but morgan likes it”  
“My partner said it sounded a load of shit as well” Serena said as they laughed.  
“Men eh" Steff said  
“Actually my par"  
“Look at them two over there in the corner i think they are lesbians” Grace said.  
“So what if they are” Lucy said Serena could feel herself going red.  
“Well they have got a baby with them how cute is that"  
“Erm you think it's cute” Serena said.  
”yes why shouldn't they have children have you got a problem with it Serena as long as the child is loved taken care of and happy what difference does it make” Lucy said.  
“No no I haven't got a problem actually I am gay me and my partner Bernie are bringing this fella up together. We are actually thinking about having another one”  
“That's amazing good for you" Trudi said  
“Eh actually i am gay as well Eliza is our 3rd child together and we couldn’t be happier”  
“Why have you never said anything before" Olivia said  
“Well I didn't know what you would have made it” Lucy said.  
“We are all friends here you can tell anything besides I don't think it matters lover is love right Serena” Olivia said  
“That's right you are a glutton for punishment though 3 kids” Serena said smiling.  
“It’s what we always wanted a family of our own me and my partner have been together since we 21”  
“So how long have you and your partner been together Serena” Grace said.  
“Nearly 3 years”  
“Not long then"  
“Well we have known each other for over 20 years. We met at uni and started dating but Bernie had to go home and we split up then 3 years ago she came back to holby and the hospital were I work and the rest as they say is history”  
“Sounds like you two were made for each other” Maureen said  
I think so no I know so she is the only person i have ever really loved and will ever love” Serena said smiling.  
“So you were saying that you were thinking of having another baby”  
“Yeah Bernie dropped the bombshell this morning we haven’t really discussed it properly yet she said she wants to give birth this time so she can be a proper mum but i have told her she is already a proper mum”  
“I wish my partner would have had a go but she doesn’t do pain” Lucy laughed.

They carried on chatting for hours like they had all known each other for years.  
“My god i better get going i have to pick the kids up from school same time next week”. Lucy said looking at Serena  
“ Absolutely see you all next week”

 

“SERENA WHERE ARE YOU” Bernie shouted as she walked in the front door and hung her coat up.Serena came walking down the stairs.  
“Keep your voice down gobby i have just got his lordship settled” Serena said as she gave Bernie a chaste kiss and went into the kitchen to finish dinner.  
“Sorry babe how long will dinner be have i got time for a shower”  
“Yeah as long as your quick”

“When she came back into the kitchen her hair all wet and curly Serena couldn’t help running her finger through it.  
“I love you so much you know that dont you”  
“I know i love you too” Bernie said  
“Good right i best dish up”  
As they were eating their dinner Bernie was talking about her day and telling Serena all the latest gossip from the hospital.  
“Oh how was baby massage”  
“The massage was ok Cameron seemed to like it and the women are all so lovely Bernie”  
“Good I am glad you have met new people that's just what you needed"  
“There was a couple just like us in the cafe next door were we all went after with a baby and one of the women Grace reckoned it was cute I was half expecting them to say gay people shouldn’t be parents. They were really great Bernie Lucy another one if the ladies then said she was gay and they were on there 3rd kid.” Serena said  
“Wow that's great Serena” Bernie said putting her head down and thinking about the conversation they had this morning. Serena grabbed Bernie's hand and brought her to sit in on her knee. Bernie straddled Serena and put her arms around Serena's neck.  
“Bernie i have been thinking about what you said this morning about us having another baby and i think we should doing it”  
“Your not just saying that because of that Lucy are you”  
“No you are right Cameron should have a brother or a sister i was a only child and it gets lonely and i don’t want Cameron to ever be lonely. “Let’s do it have another baby Bernie let's extend our little family”  
“Really”  
“Really”  
“I love you so much Campbell”  
“I love you do you know i can’t wait till the laws change and i can finally get rid of the name Campbell i can’t wait to be a Wolfe like you and our children”  
“I just can’t wait to make you make you my wife and we can grow old and gray disgracefully together”  
“Me too i know i haven’t said this much lately but i am so happy Bernie you and are beautiful boy make me happy i am so lucky”  
“No Serena i am the lucky one”.Bernie said kissing Serena chaste at first but then more passionately. Serena's hands were in Bernie's hair pulling her closer. Serena put her hand down Bernie's shorts and felt how ready she was. Bernie moaned at the touch.  
“Oh Serena please”  
“Please what” Serena smiled against Bernie's lips.  
“I need you make love to me please"  
“Is that so let's take this to bed shall we”  
Bernie nodded and they both practically ran upstairs. Giving Cameron a quick check they went into their bedroom and Serena yanked Bernie's top over her head and began sucking at her breasts.  
“Oh god"  
Serena then threw Bernie on the bed pulling her shorts and pants down. Serena began kissing her thighs and then she started sucking on Bernie's clit  
“Christ Serena please don't you dare stop" Serena started smiling against Bernie .  
“You are the most beautiful women I have ever seen " Serena said “ I am going to love you forever my darling” Serena said as she entered Bernie with 2 fingers to tip her over the edge she came calling out Serena's name.Serena layed by Bernie's side and put her arms across her stomach occasionally kissing her chest.  
“I am going to love you forever too Serena"


	19. What you doing here

September 2006

Serena and Bernie have been back together for nearly a month now but they were keeping it to themselves. You know how gossip spreads around here let’s enjoy the peace while it lasts serena said. Bernie was in theatre and Serena was in the office catching up on a review for Hannsan when there was a knock at her office door.

“Ah Ms Campbell”  
“Henrick i will have this review on yours desk by the end of day”  
“It’s not about that i have got you a locum anaesthetist for 2 two weeks with people still taking there holidays”  
“Right please don’t tell me he is called Edward”  
“No no it’s a women her name is Alex Dawson she is just in with HR at the minute then i will bring her down”  
“Ok good”  
“Morning Henrick” Bernie said as she came into the office.  
“Ms wolfe i will bring her down shortly Ms Campbell” Henrick as he left the office.  
“Bring who down”  
“The locum anaesthetist here for two weeks em Alex Dawson” Serena said. Bernie suddenly felt sick,  
“Are you ok darling”  
“Yes fine i’m going to get a coffee do you want one”  
“Please your an angel”

Bernie practically ran out of the ward and outside the hospital. What the hell is she doing here i need to tell Serena no no she will go mad Bernie thought. After 30 minutes Bernie went back inside the hospital.

“About time i thought you’d got lost am gagging here”  
“Sorry i just needed some fresh air”  
“I thought you looked unwell if you don’t feel clever go home we can manage.”  
“No am fine look Serena there’s”  
“Ms Campbell i would like to introduce you this is Alex Dawson your locum anaesthetist. Miss Dawson this is Ms Campbell and Ms Wolfe”  
“Hello pleased to meet you welcome”  
“Hello Ms Campbell ah Ms Wolfe long time no see” Alex said  
“You two know each other” Serena said  
“Yes we used to work very closely together in the army” Alex said  
“Oh right well as seen as you two know each other Bernie would you be so kind as to show Miss Dawson around”  
“I can’t not right now rounds to do”  
“I will do that you show her the ropes ok”  
“Fine follow me” Bernie said

“Your looking well”Alex said as they started to walk around the ward.  
“This is the theatre were you will mainly be working”  
“I've missed you Bernie”  
“Don’t look i am happy here and i won’t have you spoiling that”  
“We can start over again Bernie we can be together”  
“No we can’t i told you it was just a fling it meant nothing to me beside i am not single anymore i am finally with the women i have always wanted to be with. You remember i told you about Serena McKinnie and how we met and had a relationship in uni”  
“Yeah and your mum made her split up with her “  
“Well when i came to work here i saw her again as she works her too and we both still love each other so much we got back together her name is Serena Campbell now”  
“That women in the office you are with her”  
“Yes she is all i have ever thought about and wanted i am so happy now we are back together”  
“Look am not here to cause trouble for you just to do my job ok”  
“Ok let’s carry on with the tour then shall we”

As they got back on the ward they saw Serena coming towards them smiling”  
“I thought you two had got lost Alex i am going to take Mrs Hartley over there in bed 3 to theatre for her operation so if you could get ready”  
“Sure be with you in a tick”  
“Bernie do you want to scrub in as well”  
“You don’t need me you can do her op with your eyes closed”  
“I know but i just want you there please” Serena looked at her with sad eyes.  
“Ok ok come on let’s get scrubbed in Campbell” Bernie said Gently hitting Serena on the arse.

“So erm Alex said you two worked closely together in the army” Serena said.  
“I don’t want to talk about let’s just do this shall well”  
“Ok keep you hair on i was only asking”  
“Sorry it’s just somethings bring back the horrible parts of the army the hard times and she is one of them” Bernie said holding Serena’s hand.  
“I’m sorry i didn’t think you must have seen some distressing things out there”  
“Yeah i did i still have nightmares some nights about it”  
“Look if you ever want to talk about it you know i am always here for you don't you darling” Serena said putting her arms around Bernie’s waist.  
“I know you are i love you Campbell”  
“I love you too i want to kiss you so badly”  
“Later”  
“dinner”  
“Tonight”  
“My place”  
“Ok”  
“I am not cooking though how about we get a takeaway then i can save my energy for later” Serena winked.  
“Sounds good to me” Bernie said as she walked away before turning around to look back at Serena“oh and by the way you are going to need all the energy you have got”

At the end of their shift Bernie went into the locker room to get change. When she got in there she Alex in there she was just getting her coat on to go home.  
“Hi”  
“Hi look i meant what i said earlier i am not here to cause trouble for you you have said your happy with Serena and i accept that”  
“That’s very big of you and i meant what i said what happened out there meant nothing to me you was just a fling i am sorry for being so blunt but it is true”  
“Well is was more than just a fling for me i fell in love in love with you and if i am being honest i still love you Bernie”  
“No you don’t you can’t love me”  
“I do i love you Bernie” Alex said reaching to grab Bernie’s hand  
“What do you mean you love Bernie” Serena said as she walked in the door.  
“Serena this isn’t what it looks i promise”  
“Well tell me what is going on i am all ears Bernie” Serena said getting angry.  
“I had a relationship with Bernie when we served in the army together” Alex said.  
“You what”  
“Thanks for that Alex” Bernie said “look Serena it was a long time ago and it meant nothing to me cause all i ever thought about was you.”  
“You expect me to believe that how thick do you think i am. You haven’t changed a bit have you are still telling me lies after all this time and like a idiot i believe you time and time again. Well not anymore we are over for good this time” Serena said as she walked out the door.  
“Serena wait please don’t do this i never lied to you i love you i only ever wanted to be with you” Bernie said as chased Serena out.  
“You just can’t help yourself can you lie after lie after lie”  
“Serena please hear me out”  
“Just leave me alone Bernie please”

 

Serena got home had a shower put her pj’s on then went downstairs and opened a bottle of Shiraz. She made herself comfy on sofa and started flicking through the channels. I can’t believe i was so stupid to believe everything she said again and again she thought. Serena was halfway through the bottle when the doorbell went. Who the bloody hell is that she thought getting up and walking towards the door. Just then there was loud knock on door”

Serena open up let me in” Bernie said.  
“No go away i told you leave me alone”  
“I am not going anywhere i will stay out here all night if i have too”  
“Fine by me but i am not letting you in” Serena said walking back into the lounge. Stupid women Serena thought downing the remainder of the wine in the glass and pouring herself another.

Bernie then came to the window knocking on it”  
Serena please just let me and i can explain everything” Serena huffed and walked to the window she opened slightly”  
“What makes you think i am remotely interested in anything you have to say”  
“Because you love me i know you do just as much as i love you. I tried to tell you about Alex this morning but we got interrupted”  
“How convenient you should have made time to tell me no go away” Serena said shutting the window.  
“I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE” Bernie said as she went to sit on the steps that led up to Serena’s front door. For fusk sake Bernnie thought as it started pouring down. Just then the door opened.

“Are you going to stay there and get wet you stupid woman or are you going to come in” Serena said as she walked into the kitchen to get another bottle of Shiraz and a glass for Bernie.  
“As Serena poured the wine and put the glass down Bernie reached out to hold Serena hand which she accepted.

“I never ever lied to you please believe me i love you Serena Wendy Campbell so much it hurts i was so happy when i walked into the office that day and saw you sitting there. My god you were still as beautiful as you ever where. I never stopped thinking about you that’s the truth” Bernie said with tears streaming down her face.  
“What about Alex”  
“That was just a stupid fling that never should have happened i told her all about you and that i was still in love with you and always will be and that will never change”  
Do you know what hurts the most Bernie”  
“What”  
The fact that you split up with me so you could join the army but you still this fling while you there. You could have just told your mum that we had split and we could have carried on seeing each other no one need never had known.”  
“I couldn’t have asked you to do that beside i was away for months at a time”  
“I would have waited for you cause i loved you so much i just wanted to be with you.” Serena said now crying herself.  
“Oh Serena i wanted to be with you too so much i still do please please don’t end us Serena.”  
“If we do this i mean there has to be no more secrets we must tell each other everything do you promise”  
“I promise you everything” Bernie said reaching out to take Serena in her arms and pulling her close. They sat back on sofa wrapped up in each other arms Bernie kissing the top of Serena’s head.

“Does this mean you will take me back”  
“I haven’t made my mind up yet” smirked Serena  
“I think you have Campbell” Bernie said putting her hands on Serena’s face and leaning in to kiss her. Bernie traced Serena’s bottom lip with her tongue asking for access which Serena accepted the kiss became more intense when Serena put her hand down Bernie’s trousers reaching her goal releasing a moan from Bernie.  
“You right Bernie i think i have made my mind up”.


	20. At last

August 2014

Serena sat at her vanity mirror putting the finishing touches to her make up I can't believe this day is finally here she thought.

“Hello darling do you want a hand with anything"Adrienne said as she came into the bedroom.  
“No I think I am just about done just need to get my dress on" beamed Serena.  
“You look a lot happier than the last time you got married"  
“That's because I am marrying the right person this time mum I have never been as happy as I am with Bernie.”  
“You have got yourself as good one there”  
“ I certainly have I have got everything I wanted the love of my life and two beautiful children I couldn't be any happier mum come in" Serena said as there was a knock at the door.  
“Mummy can I come in here with you please Charlotte Is playing up cause she doesn't want to put her dress on”  
“Of course you can come here sweetheart so I can look at you.”  
“I better go and see if Bernie needs a hand with her" Adrienne said.  
“Thanks mum"  
“Do I look good Mummy" Cameron said as he span around.  
“You look very handsome and very smart in your suit” Serena said as Cameron sat on her knee and gave Serena a cuddle.  
“You look very pretty too mummy can I help you put your dress on”Cameron said as he gave Serena a peck on the cheek.  
Course you can but we have got plenty of time yet”  
“Mummy can I ask you something please"  
“You can ask me anything” Serena said as they stood up to sit on the bed.  
“Promise me you won't be angry with me"  
“I promise come on out with it Cam”  
“Well I was just wondering where my Daddy was"  
“Your Daddy”  
“Yes all the kids at school have got a Daddy except for Lauren but that's because her Daddy had to go to heaven. So where is my Daddy”  
“I don't know where he is I never met him sweetheart”  
“But you must have mummy cause Jack says a woman has to sleep with a man to have a baby. ”  
“Does he now he knows a bit too much does Jack for a five year old” Serena said smiling.  
“When I said I didn't have one that I had two mum's he said that it wasn't normal to have two mums"  
“I take it back Jack knows nothing"  
“Please Mummy I need to know"  
“Ok look you know me and your mum love each so much that's why we are getting married today yes"  
“Yes mum said you have always loved each other"  
That's right we have and we decide that we wanted a family. So we went to the doctors and he helped us"  
“How"  
“My goodness is that the time come on let's put my dress on"  
“so how did the doctor help"  
“Well he erm"  
“What mummy is trying to say is that the doctor has a supply of sperm what men have inside them that makes babies and injected some into mummy and nine months later out you came” Bernie said as she came into the bedroom with a happier looking Charlotte.  
“Really it was that simple" Cameron said  
“If only” Serena said quietly as she turned around to face her family.  
Wow Mummy you wook wike a pwincess” 2 1\2 year old Charlotte said  
“Thank you beautiful so do you well how do I look Wolfe" Serena said as she cuddled Charlotte and turned to face Bernie.  
“I am speechless you look stunning”  
“ So do you”  
“I am the luckiest woman in the world I love you so much I can't believe that in just a couple of hours you will be my wife" Bernie said as she walked over to Serena and gave her a lingering kiss"  
“Ugh Charlotte look away they are being sloppy" Cam said as both him and Charlotte covered their eyes"  
“Look when your older and in love you will understand” Bernie said  
“The cars are here" Adrienne said  
“Right come on you Charlotte let's get going Adrienne you ready"  
“Yes I won't be tick I will see downstairs”  
“ok see you later gorgeous”  
“see you later"  
“bye bye Mummy” Charlotte shouted blowing kisses  
“Bye bye Sweetheart see you later" Serena said blowing kisses back.  
“You look so happy my darling”  
“I am so happy mum”  
“Grandma mum is waiting for you it's time to go you will be late"  
“Alright bossy I wonder who he takes after eh” Adrienne laughed as she kissed both Serena and Cam goodbye.  
“Come here young man”Serena said patting the bed telling Cam to sit down.  
“What mummy"  
“You don't need a Daddy cause me and your mum we love you and Charlotte so much we will do anything for you both and you can talk us about anything you that don't you. If anyone ever says anything to you about me or mum we want to know about it ok don't keep it to yourself”  
“I know I won't mummy I love you “  
“How much"  
“This much” Cameron said stretching his arms out as far as they would go then wrapping them around Serena's neck"  
I love you too big fella so much you Charlotte and your mum are my world"  
“Don't forget Grandma Mummy"  
“Grandma too but she knows that already.”  
“Good"  
“Give me another hug I will have to get them while I can cause when you are a big boy you won't want to cuddle mummy anymore will you"  
“I am a big boy now Mummy” Cam said Hugging Serena again.  
“I don't care how tall you get and how old you are you always be my baby boy” Serena said as tears began to spill from her eyes.  
“Here have some tissue your eyes are leaking you will spoil your makeup Mummy”  
Thank you darling”  
“Right are you ready we really should be going Mummy” Cameron said holding out his hand for Serena to take.  
Yes I am my darling” Serena said chuckling softly as they walked out of bedroom and down the stairs. The driver open the car door to let Serena and Cameron in then stood waiting.  
Excuse me what are you waiting for" Serena said to the driver  
Well usually the bride's father comes with the bride to the church.  
“I would love that but my father has passed away”  
Oh right I am so sorry it's my first day on the job I do apologise”  
“It's ok really"  
“so eh who I giving you away them" the driver said as he started the car.  
“ME but I am not giving Mummy away I am just giving her to mum so she can look after her" Cam said as Serena squeezed his hand and kissed the top of his head.

 

As they arrived at the church waiting to go in Cameron squeezed Serena's hand tighter and smiled up at her"  
“Are you nervous now Mummy”  
“No baby I just can't wait now to be married to your mum"

The music played and Serena and Cameron started walking down the aisle. Serena looked round the church at their family and friends smiling at them as she passed and this time it wasn't a fake smile she was beaming. Serena kept looking down at Cameron he couldn't keep the smile off his face you could tell he was chuffed to bits to be walking his Mummy down the aisle. Bernie could feel the tears welling up in her eyes at the beautiful sight she saw before her. When Serena and Cameron reached Bernie they all smiled at each other.

“You look so beautiful i love you” Bernie said  
“So do you i love you too”  
“Ladies and gents we are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Berenice Griselda Wolfe to Serena Wendy Campbell. Who gives this woman to this woman”the vicar said  
“I do” Cam said as he put Serena’s hand on top of Bernies and then went to sit with Adrienne and Charlotte.

“Does anyone know of any reason why this two should not be joined together” Serena smiled at Bernie at shook her head”

“Berenice Griselda Wolfe do you take Serena Wendy Campbell to be your wife”  
“I do”  
“Serena Wendy Campbell do you take Berenice Griselda Wolfe to be your wife”  
“I do”  
“Bernice and Serena have written their own vows so Berenice over to you” the vicar said

“Serena the day you came into my life was the happiest day of my life. The 20 years i was apart from you was the worst time of my life. I missed and thought about you everyday. You said when you got married to someone else that is was the worst mistake of your life but if you didn’t have then you wouldn’t have had your beautiful daughter Elinor she will always be part of our family Serena.  
When i came back to holby and saw you my god i was happy you were and still are as beautiful as you ever were. You Cameron and Charlotte are my world and i promise you that i will do all i can to make the 3 of you happy forever” Bernie said as she slipped the ring on Serena’s finger.  
“You already do” whispered Serena with tears in her eyes.

“Serena would you like to say your vows”

“Bernie when i first met you i thought you was the most annoying person i had ever met but i soon saw the real you and fell in love you instantly. I have never met anyone quite like you and never have since. I love you so much you and our children and my mum” she said winking at Cam. “Are my world as long as i have you 4 i feel like i can do anything. The 20 years without you was horrible i did make a mistake by marrying someone else but your right i don’t ever regret having Elinor i just regret that she isn’t here with us today celebrating. We have lost so much time Bernie i can not wait to start our life as a married couple. I will love you till the day i die” Serena never took her eyes off Bernie while she slipped the ring on her finger. Bernie now had tears streaming down her face as did Serena.

“Congratulations i am happy to say you wife and wife you may kiss the bride”  
“About time” Bernie laughed as she leaned in and gave Serena a passionate kiss. They broke away smiling at each other.  
“I love you so much Mrs Wolfe” Bernie said  
“I love you too Mrs Wolfe” Serena said

Just the two sets of small arms were hugging them and Charlotte’s was reaching up for Serena to pick her up”  
“Come here my gorgeous girl” Serena said giving her a kiss as she picked her up.  
“Congratulations both of you i thought this day would never come” Adrienne said.  
“Neither did we thank you so much Adrienne i don’t know what we would do without you”  
“Anytime that’s mum’s are for Bernie i am yours now as well as Serena’s i love you both”  
“We love you too mum” Serena said cause because she could Bernie getting choked up again.  
“Mum can we go to the party now and dance” Cameron said,  
“We most certainly can let’s go.Bernie said

Everyone was having a great time Serena and Bernie was on the dance floor with Cameron Charlotte and fletch's 4 kids. Cameron pulled on Serena’s hand so she bent down to see want he wanted.

 

“What’s up darling are you getting tired” Serena said  
“No Mummy i just wanted to say forget about what i said earlier i don’t need a daddy cause i have have got the best mums in the world i love you both so much”  
“Ah Cam we love you so much too too both of you” Serena said as she brought both the kids to her for a cuddle.  
“We certainly do” Bernie said  
“I wove you too Mummies“ Charlotte said as Serena picked her up and kissed her.  
“I love you too baby girl”

“Right if you could clear the floor it’s time for the brides first dance” the DJ said

As From this moment on by Shania Twain started to play Bernie took Serena into her arms and began to dance cheek to cheek. Bernie couldn’t believe she was finally married to the woman of her dreams.  
“This is all i ever wanted to finally be with with you and our beautiful children Bernie”  
“Me too i thought this day would never come i promise i will never leave you again Serena.  
“I might have hated you when i first met you i have never loved anyone the way i love you and i know me and you were always meant to be.

 

THE END


End file.
